IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features make comparisons where relevant

The graph shows data about the annual earnings of three bakeries in London, 2000-2010 summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features make comparisons where relevant
#data #earnings #three #bakeries #london #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The line graph illustrates information about
yearly
Correct article usage
the yearly
show examples
 incomes of three different bakeries
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
: Barnie's Buns, Lovely
Loaves
 and
Robie
's
Bakery
 in London, over 10 year
period
.
Overall
, it could be seen that
Robie
's
Bakery
 had
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 highest income,
while
 the
last
 place is Lovely
Loaves
.
In
Change the preposition
At
show examples
 the end of the
period
Add a comma
period,
show examples
 the Lovely
Loaves
 switched
place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
show examples
 with Bernie's
Bakery
.
To begin
 with, the most interesting thing is that,
Robie
's
Bakery
 was stable
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
period
Add an article
a period
the period
show examples
 of 5 years,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
earning about 55.000 pounds per year.
In addition
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
Robie
's
Bakery
 grew dramatically fast in 2007 to 2008. Another
striting
Correct your spelling
striking
 thing
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 the earnings of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Bernie's Buns began
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 20.000 pounds merely. Having dropped slightly to 2002 in 2001,
then
Rephrase
apply
show examples
Bernie's
Buns
Change noun form
Bun's
Buns'
show examples
anual
Correct your spelling
annual
 earnings almost doubled
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 39.000 pounds. Turning to, the Lovely
Loaves
flactuated
Correct your spelling
fluctuated
fluctuate
 between 2000 and 2004. Despite,
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 up
considerbly
Correct your spelling
considerably
, decreased dramatically in the given
period
 of 2004 to the end
Submitted by aikumarbekarys on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words loaves, robie, bakery, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatically" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: