The best way to teach children to cooperate is through team sports at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree? You should write at least 250 words.
Nowadays, there are many
sport
facilities in Change the noun form
sports
schoolthat
Correct your spelling
schools that
student
can participate which
their interested, Change preposition
in which
other
students Correct word choice
and other
wants
to cooperate but they are not good at Change the verb form
want
sports
that
make joining the Correct pronoun usage
which
sports
team
inefficiently
. From my point of, I agree with Change the word
inefficient
first
view and think that Change the article
the first
through
Change preposition
apply
team
sport
at school
give
many benefits to students. In the following paragraphs, the reasons to support my opinion will be outlined.
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
Sport
is one of the most popular activities that everyone
Replace the word
every one
like
to do in their leisure time. Change the verb form
likes
Moreover
, every school
such
as primary school
and secondary school
, provide sport subject
in the course that Fix the agreement mistake
sports subjects
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
sprots
play Correct your spelling
sports
the
important role in the Correct article usage
an
school
. Therefore
, Add an article
the student
a student
student
should Fix the agreement mistake
students
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
participant
Replace the word
participate
about
Change preposition
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
sports
and the best way is joining the
Correct article usage
apply
team
sports
. Through
Change preposition
Team
team
sports
have many benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
to
students Change preposition
for
such
as making the
new friends who interserted Correct article usage
apply
and
Change preposition
in and
facinated
with the same Correct your spelling
fascinated
sport
. Moreover
, this
way will help student
know more about the Fix the agreement mistake
students
sport
than learning in class.
I personally think that there are some event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
such
as sports
color game
that Fix the agreement mistake
games
apper
in many Correct your spelling
appear
schoool
, Correct your spelling
school
schools
this
event serperate
Correct your spelling
separates
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
to
many groups and Change preposition
into
challenge
with every Fix the agreement mistake
challenges
sport
type that
Correct word choice
so that
school
can organize the competitions. Correct article usage
the school
Finnally
, not only the medal that they earnCorrect your spelling
Finally
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
have many experience
Change to a plural noun
experiences
about
the Change preposition
in
sports
such
as team work
or support Correct your spelling
teamwork
skill
that they use Fix the agreement mistake
skills
to
their Change preposition
for
team
.
In summary, even though there are some student
are
not good at Correct pronoun usage
who are
sports
but
they join and help Correct word choice
apply
thier
Correct your spelling
their
team
by support
and Wrong verb form
supporting
encourage
their Wrong verb form
encouraging
team
. Therefore
, it is recommend
to teach children to cooperate Change the verb form
is recommended
by
through Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
team
sports
.Submitted by bhurin.kua on
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coherence cohesion
Considerable effort was required to decipher the arguments due to a lack of coherent structure. It is imperative to flesh out ideas systematically and to transition smoothly between them, employing a range of linking phrases to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction presents the topic but the clarity could be improved. Your conclusion effectively wraps up the essay; however, further elaboration in the body paragraphs is needed to adequately develop your main points.
coherence cohesion
Arguments lack depth and the presentation of ideas could be more substantive. A richer exposition of points, using detailed illustrations, assures a resonant and comprehensive argument. This entails not only asserting but also explaining how and why team sports can foster cooperation in children. Reflect upon and integrate these specifics into your essay for a more persuasive task response.
task achievement
Your essay only partially addresses the prompt. A balanced discussion, examining both the advantages and potential drawbacks of teaching children cooperation through team sports, is needed for a complete response. Introduce more nuanced perspectives to enhance the depth of response.
task achievement
While your essay includes personal views and some general examples, it falls short of offering a clear and comprehensive exploration of the topic. Aim for a stronger thesis statement and further elaborate your arguments with distinct examples that are directly related to the subject matter, thereby ensuring relevance and aiding comprehension.
task achievement
Specific examples used in support of claims are limited and somewhat general. To strengthen your task response, incorporate specific, relevant examples that provide tangible evidence of how team sports foster cooperation. Further, it is essential to consider offering contrasting viewpoints or counter-arguments to present a more rounded discussion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite