Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

The high
sugar
content in food and beverages nowadays is a major concern worldwide, as it contributes to various diseases
such
as diabetes, obesity, and even acne. In order to address
this
problem, many people suggest that the government should increase the
price
of
sugar
to discourage consumption. From my perspective, I somehow differ from the recommendation mentioned above, so, I will elaborate my reasons more in the essay below. First and foremost, making the
price
of
sugar
more expensive can truly drive people to consume less
sugar
since the
price
of sugary products will
also
increase
accordingly
.
For example
, diverse desserts and bubble tea which both menus contain high levels of
sugar
will be hugely affected by
such
a policy.
As a result
, the population will consume sugary diets and drink less, resulting in a low risk of disease caused by excess
sugar
intake as well.
Nevertheless
,
this
method is undeniably not completely effective as the majority of cuisines comprise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
as a part of the ingredients, resulting in inflation when the
price
of all goods and services
rise
Correct subject-verb agreement
rises
show examples
.
Moreover
, the education and awareness of the aftermath of
sugar
overload, which will lead to numerous health issues, are extremely significant by gradually adjusting the population's eating habits. Another better solution,
for instance
, is to make healthy food more affordable and approachable.
Due to
its exorbitance, it is understandable why consumers do not often eat it, though they acknowledge its merits.
Hence
, either the instructive campaign or the availability of green cuisine will assist in
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
show examples
of
sugar
consumption.
To conclude
, despite the actual reduction of sugary intake driven by the increased
price
policy,
this
method still has some blemishes, including inflation.
Therefore
, in my opinion, raising awareness and available healthy diets are considered better resolutions.
Submitted by atikan17042547 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are not repeated across paragraphs. Ensure transitions between ideas are smooth and that the logical flow is maintained throughout.
task achievement
Include a broader range of clear, relevant examples to support your arguments. Try to integrate these examples more naturally into your discussion to provide a stronger case for your perspective.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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