The best way to reduce poverty in developing countries is by giving up to 6 years of free education, so that they can at least read, write and use numbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Today education is
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
essensial
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essential
for anyone who
wish
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wishes
show examples
for a better future.
Children
from all
finantial
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financial
status
has
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have
show examples
the right to attend school and learn. I
belive
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believe
show examples
free schools in 3rd generation
countires
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countries
will reduce
poverity
Correct your spelling
poverty
. First of all, all
children
has
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have
show examples
the right to learn how to read and write regardless of their
economical
Replace the word
economic
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status. Free education will increase the number of educated
individual
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individuals
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from
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
show examples
families, since money is one of the
obsticles
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obstacles
they face. One educated
person
in a family will be a good example for
other family member
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another family member
other family members
show examples
to seek learning.
for example
, The educated
person
can help in teaching his/her
children
and other kids in the family and reduce the load on teachers in school.
In addition
, Learning
provide
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provides
show examples
a better
opourtunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
for an individual to get a better job with a better salary to support his/her family. In poor countries
Add a comma
,
show examples
one
person
can be responsible
on
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for
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a large number of
children
since a lot of their
parenst
Correct your spelling
parents
die either from starvation or disease. Having a better job will help
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reduce the burden and increase the number of healthy educated
children
until
this
poverity
Correct your spelling
poverty
cycle ends. In conclusion, I
Think
Fix capitalization
think
show examples
that free education is a must for all
Children
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
in poor countries.
Educated
Add an article
An educated
show examples
person
may become an Idol for
other family member
Change the wording
another family member
other family members
show examples
also
will help
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Improve
families
Replace the word
the family's
show examples
income.
Submitted by no_esem on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Poverty alleviation
  • Basic literacy
  • Numeracy skills
  • Socio-economic development
  • Sustainable education
  • Universal access
  • Public policy
  • Employment opportunities
  • Quality of education
  • Infrastructure
  • Holistic approach
  • Fiscal challenges
  • Educational reforms
  • Global initiatives
  • Human capital
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