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Band 5

Pros ans COns of television. Is it a waste time? Give your opinion

#ans #television #waste #time
Television
 has long been a subject of debate, with some arguing
that is
 a waste
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
 and others not. The majority of the families have in
home
Correct article usage
the home
show examples
 a
television
 that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 part of their routine. Let’s discuss more about and see the pros and cons of spending time with
television
.
Firstly
,
television
 is a source of information and knowledge. News channels keep us updated
of
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on
show examples
 what is happening
in
Change the preposition
at
show examples
 the
moment
, giving us a global perspective of the world.
For example
, the conflict
that is
 occurring between Israel and Palestine
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be updated
seeing
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by seeing
show examples
 the news daily. The news
also
 can help to plan your trip
seeing
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by seeing
show examples
 the
wheather
Correct your spelling
weather
 forecast, especially if will be
a
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an
show examples
 outdoor activity. Another kind of
channels
Fix the agreement mistake
channel
show examples
 is the educational programs, that bring to
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 watching insights into science, history and culture,
that is
essecial
Correct your spelling
essential
 to the kids that are in the
fase
Correct your spelling
face
phase
 of learning.
Secondly
,
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 is a means of relaxation, after a difficult day you can arrive
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home,
sitting
Wrong verb form
sit
show examples
 on the sofa and take a
moment
 only for you
watching
Change the verb form
to watch
show examples
 a comedy movie, a
documentarie
Correct your spelling
documentary
 about the wildlife in the forest or
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
emocional
Correct your spelling
emotional
 seeing a love story soap opera.
Moreover
, the most important in watching
TV
 is
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
 a family
moment
, all of them together around the
TV
 watching a sports
programs
Fix the agreement mistake
program
show examples
 or a Sunday
TV
 show, it is like in
this
moment
 that memories are created. From de
other point
Change the wording
another point
other points
show examples
 of view, people who
spending
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spend
show examples
 a lot of time in front of
TV
Add an article
the TV
show examples
 and have bad habits with food can develop a sedentary lifestyle and diseases can appear like cardiac issues.
For
Change preposition
To
show examples
 decrease the risk of
sedentarysm
Correct your spelling
sedentarism
sedentary
, a diet and exercises are recommended, moderation is the key. In conclusion, as a source of information available for all people and a means of
entertreinment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
, even considering the risk
od
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
sedentarysm
Correct your spelling
sedentarism
sedentary
, in my
opinion
Add the comma(s)
opinion,
show examples
television
 is not a time-wasting.
Submitted by aracellyfontes on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both sides of the argument as well as the writer's opinion, the task could be further enhanced by presenting a more nuanced discussion and ensuring each paragraph has a clear central idea. The introduction would benefit from a clearer thesis statement, and the conclusion should more decisively summarize the main points discussed.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows an attempt at using cohesive devices and arranging ideas in a logical order. However, there are instances of incoherent statements and paragraphing may be improved for better clarity. The writer should focus on ensuring that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that the subsequent sentences support that topic effectively. Additionally, transitions between paragraphs could be smoother to help the reader follow the argument more easily.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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