IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Schools should use films, computers and games instead of books To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#schools #films #computers #games #books
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Nowadays some countries strive to implement new methods for
schools
instead
 of classic learning
while
, developed countries have begun studying by using computers and other advanced technology. I agree that
schools
 ought to use movies, and online games to study.
This
 essay will discuss that I feel that for two reasons which I will explore in the following essay.
Initially
, in the new era, individuals developed their way of studying by using different technologies to absorb knowledge. the approach of the educational
system
 should be replaced by computers, and games
instead
 of relying on
book
Fix the agreement mistake
books
show examples
 because that seems classic.
For example
,
Schools
 in the UK has an advanced educational
system
 that keeps student energetic and aware in class.
However
, the
schools
 have launched new programs online which students can learn by different techniques. Despite
this
, there are a number of significant benefits of proceeding with adding a new
system
 in education.
Therefore
, studying through films or games is very smooth to understand the meaning of the subject
whereas
 learning by book is boring.
For instance
, a recent study by Oxford University said the brilliant way for a student to acknowledge their tasks is by changing the technique like using digital information and searching
instead
 of books. In conclusion, it is frequently said that
schools
 ought to launch a smart method for students
such
 as utilizing movies, computers alternatively books because
this
 is the best
system
 for individuals to recognize the information suitably.
Submitted by alihafiid on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea supported by specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Focus on creating a logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and cohesive devices to enhance clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay must have a clear introduction with a thesis statement and a conclusion that summarises the main points and restates your position.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully by giving a balanced view on the topic and explaining your reasons with a range of ideas.
task achievement
Clarify your position throughout the essay and consistently develop your argument with relevant examples.
task achievement
Make certain to include specific examples to support your points. General statements are not as effective as those supported with details or specific evidence.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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