Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree ordisagree?

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men #ordisagree

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Nowadays, a group of people argue that

females

can perform well in the field of defence systems just like males.

However

, people are beginning to realize that military

forces

Fix the agreement mistake

force

show examples

should be available for any individual. Personally , I tend to think that

women

should improve their skills in other fields .

Firstly

, it is well known that

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

world is becoming more equal and free in terms of human skill training. What I mean is that

women

have good knowledge about social changes or world issues . In fact, there are

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

many courageous

females

around the world who wish to serve their countries.

For instance

, in Croatia, the major of special

trainings

Change the wording

training

pieces of training

show examples

is for ladies ,

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

preparing how

Wrong verb form

are prepared

show examples

to serve in

army

Add an article

the army

show examples

and

teaching

Wrong verb form

teach

show examples

them

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

for self

Correct pronoun usage

themselves

show examples

- defences . These sources will help them in

this

new area.

Secondly

females

have more capacity to bear the pain and emotions than men.

Furthermore

women

can remain emotionally strong even in critical situations like war or political conflicts. Take

for example

, science has proven that men can not cope without aggression in critical situations ,

while

females

can analyse a situation without any anger issues by making better decisions. In conclusion, in recent times

women

have changed in many aspects and they should be allowed to join other fields like the army , navy or air force.

Submitted by dnm.best on Thu Dec 07 2023

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task achievement

The essay does not fully address the prompt in a balanced way. More attention should be given to both sides of the argument to fully respond to the 'to what extent' part of the question.

coherence cohesion

The structure of the essay is somewhat unclear and can confuse the reader at points. It is important to have a clear logical sequence that easy to follow.

task achievement

While some examples are provided, they are not fully developed or entirely relevant. Aim to use clearer and more specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

229 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Gender equality
Military forces (Army, Navy, Air Force)
Physical and psychological differences
Gender diversity
Integration
Harassment
Societal equality
Male-dominated environments
Stereotypes
Efficiency and effectiveness
Protocols
Case studies

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Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree ordisagree?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problem as a result of eating to much fast food. It is neccesary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many people think that money is important to achieve happiness. What is the importance of money to happiness? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your experience.

Students generally prefer to choose the period they are supposed to study and the period they are free to have fun. They should be allowed to do their time management. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?