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Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree ordisagree?

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men #ordisagree
Nowadays, a group of people argue that
females
 can perform well in the field of defence systems just like males.
However
, people are beginning to realize that military
forces
Fix the agreement mistake
force
show examples
 should be available for any individual. Personally , I tend to think that
women
 should improve their skills in other fields .
Firstly
 , it is well known that
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
 world is becoming more equal and free in terms of human skill training. What I mean is that
women
 have good knowledge about social changes or world issues . In fact, there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
many courageous
females
 around the world who wish to serve their countries.
For instance
, in Croatia, the major of special
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training
show examples
 is for ladies ,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
preparing how
Wrong verb form
are prepared
show examples
 to serve in
army
Add an article
the army
show examples
 and
teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
for self
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 - defences . These sources will help them in
this
 new area.
Secondly
,
females
 have more capacity to bear the pain and emotions than men.
Furthermore
,
women
 can remain emotionally strong even in critical situations like war or political conflicts. Take
for example
, science has proven that men can not cope without aggression in critical situations ,
while
females
 can analyse a situation without any anger issues by making better decisions. In conclusion, in recent times
women
 have changed in many aspects and they should be allowed to join other fields like the army , navy or air force.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
The essay does not fully address the prompt in a balanced way. More attention should be given to both sides of the argument to fully respond to the 'to what extent' part of the question.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is somewhat unclear and can confuse the reader at points. It is important to have a clear logical sequence that easy to follow.
task achievement
While some examples are provided, they are not fully developed or entirely relevant. Aim to use clearer and more specific examples to support your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender equality
  • Military forces (Army, Navy, Air Force)
  • Physical and psychological differences
  • Gender diversity
  • Integration
  • Harassment
  • Societal equality
  • Male-dominated environments
  • Stereotypes
  • Efficiency and effectiveness
  • Protocols
  • Case studies
What to do next:
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