Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree ordisagree?

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Nowadays, a group of people argue that
females
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can perform well in the field of defence systems just like males.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, people are beginning to realize that military
forces
Fix the agreement mistake
force

It seems that forces may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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should be available for any individual. Personally , I tend to think that
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should improve their skills in other fields .
Firstly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is well known that
modern
Correct article usage
the modern

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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world is becoming more equal and free in terms of human skill training. What I mean is that
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have good knowledge about social changes or world issues . In fact, there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article a may not be required with the plural noun females in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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many courageous
females
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

around the world who wish to serve their countries.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in Croatia, the major of special
trainings
Change the wording
training
pieces of training

It appears that trainings is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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is for ladies ,
their
Correct pronoun usage
they

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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preparing
Wrong verb form
prepare

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb preparing. Consider changing it.

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how to serve in
army
Add an article
the army

The noun phrase army seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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and teaching them for self -defences . These sources will help them in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

new area.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
females
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have more capacity to bear the pain and emotions than men.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can remain emotionally strong even in critical situations like war or political conflicts. Take
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, science has proven that men can not cope without aggression in critical situations ,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

females
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can analyse a situation without any anger issues by making better decisions. In conclusion, in recent times
women
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have changed in many aspects and they should be allowed to join other fields like the army , navy or air force.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a logical follow-through of ideas and a clear progression throughout the essay. Work on connecting your ideas more effectively using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing.
coherence cohesion
There is a noticeable attempt at an introduction and conclusion, but they need to be more effective in setting up the topic and summarizing the main points of the argument.
coherence cohesion
Provide more development and support for your main points. This includes expanding on ideas and including further details and examples.
task achievement
Provide a balanced response to the task with appropriate expansion on your reasons. Include a thesis statement that clearly states your position, and ensure all parts of the task are addressed with adequate detail.
task achievement
Develop your ideas fully to convey them with clarity and depth. Avoid general statements and strive to present more detailed explanations and a wider range of ideas.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. Ensure the examples are relevant and effectively support your arguments. Generalized or hypothetical examples are less impactful.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender equality
  • Military forces (Army, Navy, Air Force)
  • Physical and psychological differences
  • Gender diversity
  • Integration
  • Harassment
  • Societal equality
  • Male-dominated environments
  • Stereotypes
  • Efficiency and effectiveness
  • Protocols
  • Case studies
What to do next:
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