Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree ordisagree?

#people #women #army #navy #air #force #men #ordisagree

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Nowadays, a group of people argue that

females

can perform well in the field of defence systems just like males.

However

, people are beginning to realize that military

forces

Fix the agreement mistake

force

show examples

should be available for any individual. Personally , I tend to think that

women

should improve their skills in other fields .

Firstly

, it is well known that

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

world is becoming more equal and free in terms of human skill training. What I mean is that

women

have good knowledge about social changes or world issues . In fact, there are

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

many courageous

females

around the world who wish to serve their countries.

For instance

, in Croatia, the major of special

trainings

Change the wording

training

pieces of training

show examples

is for ladies ,

their

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

preparing

Wrong verb form

prepare

show examples

how to serve in

army

Add an article

the army

show examples

and teaching them for self -defences . These sources will help them in

this

new area.

Secondly

females

have more capacity to bear the pain and emotions than men.

Furthermore

women

can remain emotionally strong even in critical situations like war or political conflicts. Take

for example

, science has proven that men can not cope without aggression in critical situations ,

while

females

can analyse a situation without any anger issues by making better decisions. In conclusion, in recent times

women

have changed in many aspects and they should be allowed to join other fields like the army , navy or air force.

Submitted by dnm.best on Thu Dec 07 2023

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coherence cohesion

Ensure a logical follow-through of ideas and a clear progression throughout the essay. Work on connecting your ideas more effectively using a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing.

coherence cohesion

There is a noticeable attempt at an introduction and conclusion, but they need to be more effective in setting up the topic and summarizing the main points of the argument.

coherence cohesion

Provide more development and support for your main points. This includes expanding on ideas and including further details and examples.

task achievement

Provide a balanced response to the task with appropriate expansion on your reasons. Include a thesis statement that clearly states your position, and ensure all parts of the task are addressed with adequate detail.

task achievement

Develop your ideas fully to convey them with clarity and depth. Avoid general statements and strive to present more detailed explanations and a wider range of ideas.

task achievement

Use specific examples to illustrate your points. Ensure the examples are relevant and effectively support your arguments. Generalized or hypothetical examples are less impactful.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

228 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Gender equality
Military forces (Army, Navy, Air Force)
Physical and psychological differences
Gender diversity
Integration
Harassment
Societal equality
Male-dominated environments
Stereotypes
Efficiency and effectiveness
Protocols
Case studies

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Some people think women should be allowed to join the army, the navy and the air force just like men. To what extent do you agree ordisagree?

Word Count

Some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding changes. Others, However, think that change is always a good thing. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people feel that manufactures and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of foods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people prefer to live in hot climate, while others like to live in cold climate.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.