If you could imagine an entirely different life from the one you lead, how would you want it to be?

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Every person on our planet has dreamed of enormous changes at least once in their

life

Use synonyms

. It is no secret that occasionally even adults ask themselves “what if…” questions and since

this

Linking Words

moment the spectrum of their imagination

broadens

Wrong verb form

has broadened

show examples

However

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, my story starts from early childhood when I was a little girl and did not have a clue about the real world and some serious issues that might come up on my path.

Firstly

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, if I had the chance to experience a completely different

life

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from the

one

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I have now, I would definitely choose another pace. By doing so, my home would be located in a picturesque countryside.

This

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place would be precious for me not only because it is something extraordinary, but

also

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due to

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the fact that it would help me with fulfilling my desires to explore the world and delve into the realms of history and mystery. Waking up every morning with a hot coffee beside me, hearing pleasing songs from birds, and enjoying the beauty of nature is a small dream of mine. The main purpose of

such

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a lifestyle lies in its inherent power, reflecting my will to write. When I talk about writing, I mean the general act of it, as it brings me immense relief every time. In a quiet place, somewhere near the lake, I could imagine and express everything that

comes

Wrong verb form

came

show examples

to my mind. I was never a fan of art, but I believe that if I lived in a place like that, my creative side would triumph over the ordinary

one

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, mainly because I would have different inspiring things around me.

Moreover

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, my dream is to decorate a garden and make it as welcoming as possible so that every corner of my home

would

Wrong verb form

will

show examples

bring happiness. It is commonly believed that only individuals in love can write satisfying poems.

However

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, I disagree with

this

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point of view. The main reason is the lack of balance between our souls and the surrounding events.

Therefore

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, I would like my

life

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to be as simple as possible to create an enchanting atmosphere and enjoy the beauty of our environment, which is usually hidden from the eyes of people with a loaded schedule who are unable to break from their routine. Our lives are vast, enduring circles, and every individual should live a decent

one

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However

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, we do not have the right to choose where to be born.

Consequently

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, we have to shape ourselves the way we want to be in the future. Unfortunately, sometimes human existence is considered insignificant, when, in fact, every minor detail of

one

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life

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matters not only to those around us but

also

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to mankind as a whole.

This

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is the concept that I want to explain to society through my poems.

Therefore

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, a quiet lifestyle is a perfect way to do so. In conclusion,

while

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nurturing

this

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dream, I am guided by a desire to convey a profound truth about the significance of home and how it impacts our well-being. Through the simplicity of a quiet lifestyle, I aspire to communicate the importance of embracing

life

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's details and finding meaning in the seemingly insignificant.

karolinavash2552Thu Dec 07 2023

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introduction conclusion present

Your essay presents an introduction and conclusion, but they could be further enhanced for clarity. The introduction should more explicitly address the prompt, and the conclusion should effectively summarize the main points discussed in the essay.

logical structure

The essay has a logical flow, but at times the transitions between ideas can be jarring. Work on smoothing out these transitions and ensuring each paragraph flows naturally into the next.

supported main points

Main points are supported, but the support could be stronger and more directly related to the prompt. Aim to include clear examples and expand on how the points relate to the idea of an entirely different life.

complete response

You have addressed the prompt, but there were opportunities to delve deeper into the 'how' aspect of the different life you imagine. Clearer connections to how this life differs from your current one would improve task completion.

clear comprehensive ideas

While some ideas are presented clearly, others could be expanded upon for a better comprehensive understanding. Each paragraph should clearly present and explore an idea in depth.

relevant specific examples

Relevant examples are present, but they are somewhat general. Incorporate specific, detailed examples to better illustrate your envisioned life and make your arguments more persuasive.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

6 paragraphs

528 words

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If you could imagine an entirely different life from the one you lead, how would you want it to be?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people think that hosting an international sports event is good for the country, while some people think it is bad. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Because the modern technology, it is no longer necessary for people to learn handwriting skill, but others believe that handwriting is still an important skill. Discuss both sides and give your opinion base on your experience.

Some people say that the Olympic Games no longer have a role to play in the 21st century. To what extent do you agree or disagree?