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Writing Samples
Band 5

Its important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personnal lives. Do the advantage of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantage?

#people #risks #lives #advantage
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Some people believe it is advantageous to take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in their working
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
 and private
life
.
While
, other argue with
this
 statement and I believe it is advantageous to take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 owing to numerous pros like career
growth
 and potential.
However
, in
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 we will discuss both
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
 and cons of taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in
owns
Wrong verb form
own
show examples
life
. On the positive side, taking
risk
 helps in exponential
growth
 in
career
Correct article usage
a career
show examples
, if a
person
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 more
risk
 in
early
Add an article
the early
an early
show examples
 stage of
career
Correct pronoun usage
their career
his career
her career
show examples
then
 not only he will be getting numerous experience in his
life
 but
also
 it will lead to extensive learning, which will
further
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to substantial
growth
 in
later
Add an article
the later
show examples
 part of
life
. Another advantage is,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 will unlock his true potential.
While
 taking
Add an article
a risk
the risk
show examples
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
,
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 will go through extreme
struggle
Fix the agreement mistake
struggles
show examples
 which
test
Change the verb form
tests
show examples
 the limits and post
successful
Replace the word
success
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 coming out of
this
 phase, there will be significant chances of outperforming
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
other
non-
Add a hyphen
non-risk-taking
show examples
risk
 taking people.
For instance
, as per
leading
Correct article usage
a leading
show examples
job
 portal of
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
,
its
Correct your spelling
it has
show examples
 been observed that
due to
risk taking
Add a hyphen
risk-taking
show examples
 tendency, youngsters are earning fifty percent more annual income as
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
the pervious
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pervious
Correct your spelling
previous
show examples
 generation.
On the other hand
, taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 might
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 the mental health of an individual. Without proper planning and analyzing the impact, if a
person
 takes
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in their
job
then
 there is
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 probability of failure which will
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to numerous other problems like financial burden,
job
 loss and other mental health issues like stress,
anxiety
Correct word choice
and anxiety
show examples
. To illustrate, as per
report
Add an article
the report
a report
show examples
 published by
leading
Add an article
the leading
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 medical institute
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 developing
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
,
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 few years,
Correct article usage
the sale
show examples
sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
show examples
 of anti-depressant medicine have
sky rocketed
Correct your spelling
skyrocketed
show examples
 by forty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In conclusion, I believe by
proper
Change the word
properly
show examples
 brainstorming the impact, a
person
 should take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in his
life
 as it will be helpful in getting the true potential and exponential
growth
 in
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 it will outweigh the disadvantage of getting
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on mental health.
Submitted by sharma.ajaykumar2309 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay presents clear ideas on the topic, but the logical structure of your arguments could be enhanced with clearer transitions between ideas. Aim to guide the reader with more cohesive linking phrases between sentences and paragraphs to better illustrate the relationship between your points.
Task Achievement
You have addressed the task only partially. Ensure that you provide a more balanced discussion of both sides of the argument, and make sure your conclusion is derived from the points argued within the essay. Develop your ideas further, and attempt to elaborate on your arguments to better fulfill the task requirements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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