IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, instead of locally sourced produce, many supermarkets sell a variety of foods imported from countries all across the world. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#supermarkets #variety #foods #countries #world #development
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Buying food in a
supermarket
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 is a basic human need. Nowadays, the stuff sold at the
supermarket
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 is diverse in terms of the source—not only local
products
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 but
also
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 imported
products
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. In my own perspective,
this
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 condition has more drawbacks than benefits.
To begin
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 with, selling imported
products
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 at the
supermarket
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 decreases a local
company
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's
production
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.
This
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 condition will have many detrimental effects on the local
company
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. The first impact is the retirement of the employees. As the
company
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 does not manufacture many
products
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, they do not need many employees. It means that the employer may retire their staff because the
production
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 number of the
company
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's
products
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 falls.
Moreover
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,
this
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 decrease may cause a
company
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 to collapse. If
this
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 happens many negative effects occur,
for example
Linking Words
, no tax income for the government. Another drawback that may occur is the colonialization of economics by other countries. When the local
products
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 cannot compete
to
Change preposition
with
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 imported
products
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, the local goods will not get any consumers.
As a result
Linking Words
, many international
products
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 will be available at the
supermarket
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.
This
Linking Words
 trend implicitly means other countries have colonized us because we are the consumers of their
products
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.
To sum up
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, the existence of imported goods at
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supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
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 brings more negative aspects than the positive
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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. The drawbacks are decreasing the local
company
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’s
production
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 and
economics
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 colonialization by other countries.
However
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, it still has
the
Correct article usage
apply
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positive effects as well
such
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 as the variety of
products
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, the quality of the
stuffs
Change the wording
stuff
kinds of stuff
pieces of stuff
show examples
, and reduction of
cost’s
Change noun form
cost
show examples
production
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses all parts of the task. Your response seems one-sided and neglects to elaborate sufficiently on the advantages of importing food, which is a requirement of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas logically, linking them clearly with appropriate connectors. Your essay could benefit from clearer transitions and better connections between ideas for improved flow and readability.
coherent cohesion
Use specific examples to support your main points. The essay lacks concrete examples to illustrate the disadvantages, which would strengthen your arguments and provide more balanced reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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