In many countries, children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
By
Change preposition
In
show examples
developing countries over the
last
Linking Words
years
Correct quantifier usage
few years
show examples
, there
are
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
different
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
about
Change preposition
regarding
show examples
raising a child and many options can be considered. Some
parents
Use synonyms
are taking hard
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
their
children
Use synonyms
and
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
pressure on them to start a job or
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
the other hand, there are
parents
Use synonyms
without any idea about their
children
Use synonyms
’s future. In both
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
, working
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
children
Use synonyms
is critical and important.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
family push
Use synonyms
kids
Correct article usage
the kids
show examples
to
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
small ages and the second support
for
Correct pronoun usage
them for
show examples
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time. I believe that we should not let
children
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
because they are not old enough to struggle with life issues. There is only one situation that
parents
Use synonyms
can allow their
children
Use synonyms
to
work
Use synonyms
and
that is
Linking Words
preapring
Correct your spelling
preparing
a child for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
by experiencing. I have no respect for
parents
Use synonyms
who insist on working in childhood. They should be happy and experience the world over the years. Not even workplaces are not appropriate for them, but
also
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
exagerated
Correct your spelling
exaggerated
occation
Correct your spelling
occasion
, there can be a great potential for mental issues and crimes. It is obvious that
children
Use synonyms
can not handle and understand the relations between people so they will be involved
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
misunderstandings. Another thing that can be
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
society is increasing cultural issues between
children
Use synonyms
who are working without permission. When the
kids
Use synonyms
are in
Use synonyms
work
Correct article usage
a work
show examples
atmosphere, the first thing that affects them is literature.
Unfortunatly
Correct your spelling
Unfortunately
, older people do not pay enough attention to their words and their acts, and it is a reality of workplaces, which can not be ignored.
Kids
Use synonyms
see them and as they are boss or
supervisour
Correct your spelling
supervisor
supervisors
, they try to act like them or at least act the way they like.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some people believe it is a great opportunity to start
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
. I think
kids
Use synonyms
can
work
Use synonyms
in different places based on their ages.
For example
Linking Words
for a child who is 10 or 11, industrial places
such
Linking Words
as
rapiar
Correct your spelling
rapier
repair
and fixing cars are not suitable, so they can
work
Use synonyms
in
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
better places
such
Linking Words
as libraries or
book stores
Correct your spelling
bookstores
show examples
which has
more
Add an article
a more
the more
show examples
comfortable condition for them. Over
this
Linking Words
kind of
workings
Replace the word
work
show examples
,
parents
Use synonyms
should monitor their
children
Use synonyms
to
saty
Correct your spelling
stay
aware of their mental and
physiscal
Correct your spelling
physical
health.
Overall
Linking Words
, I think
parents
Use synonyms
should protect their
children
Use synonyms
against atmospheres which are harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
them like protecting against physical hazards.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay does provide a contrast between opinions on child labor; however, the extent of exploration and analysis on each view is limited. The candidate's own position seems unclear and the essay as a whole lacks a fully developed argument or conclusion. To improve, ensure to present a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument or clearly state and justify one's own position throughout.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows an attempt to organize ideas but suffers from poor paragraph structure, lack of clear topic sentences, and transitions between points. To enhance coherence and cohesion, start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences with examples, and finally, a concluding sentence. Use cohesive devices (e.g., furthermore, however, therefore) to better link ideas and paragraphs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: