IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays the way many people intereact with each other had changed because of technology. In what ways technology affected the types of relationship people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

#people #intereact #technology #relationship #become #development
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Means of
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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 changed dramatically by technologies nowadays, from interacting in person to making international friends around the world on the internet. Whilst some drawbacks provoked
from
Change preposition
by
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such
Linking Words
 trends, I personally agree that the advantages of
such
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 situations overweight the disadvantages. First of all, advanced technology profoundly
change
Wrong verb form
changed
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 the way of interaction in human societies in privacy and working aspects, post letter and meeting in person were the main methods of communication decades ago,
however
Linking Words
, the younger generation are in favor of using social
medias
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media
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 and phone for talking to one another on modern devices, including
smart phones
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smartphones
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 and computers.
Moreover
Linking Words
, employees can have online
meeting
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meetings
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 from
distance
Correct article usage
a distance
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 nowadays which gives them more resilience in time
arrangement
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arrangements
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, to answer the question, I believe
overall
Linking Words
 the effects caused on the relationship in human societies are
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 trend, despite some downsides including the incremental population who have myopia. One of the most cogent advantages is it breaks the barrier of distance between residents around the world, allowing youth
expand
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to expand
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 their horizons without
traveling
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travelling
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 long
distance
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distances
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.
For example
Linking Words
, many young individuals tend to share their ideas and
life
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lives
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 on Instagram, which is a well-known social media in the world, to exchange information with others in different regions and
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
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 new friends. To summarize, it is inevitable that advanced technologies will continue
involved
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to involve
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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changes
of
Change preposition
in
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 the communication in private aspect and business industries. In my perspective,
such
Linking Words
 trends prompt more pros than cons in societies based on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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efficiency and
convience
Correct your spelling
convenience
.
Submitted by unapoya0916 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your essay addresses both parts of the task. While you have discussed the impact of technology on relationships, you need to give equal attention to whether this is a positive or negative development, with clear arguments for one or the other.
coherence cohesion
While you have a logical essay structure, the connectivity between ideas can be improved. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices and clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to signal what the paragraph will cover.
coherence cohesion
Proofread for grammatical accuracy and work on error-free sentence construction. Also, be careful with the pluralization of nouns and consistency of verb tenses throughout the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay without introducing new ideas. It should also reflect back to the task question and provide a clear final stance.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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