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Band 4.5

today ,most of people get married and give birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger.is it a positive or negtaive development in your opinion?to what extent do you support the devlopment?

#people #birth #thirties #negtaive #development #support #devlopment
Nowadays,
instead
 of early wedding by a large group of
people
 like to marry at their thirty age.
However
, it is reckoned by some pupils are not ready for wedding.
Therefore
, marriage is postponed by these
people
. There are negative effects on
people
's fear of loneliness and need
support
Change preposition
for support
show examples
. It is partly true, that late marriage has now become a trend which creates
problems
 mentally and emotionally.
This
 essay will elaborate
further
 in the upcoming paragraphs. In the modern era, the younger generation is getting their wedding late
due to
 difficulty in finding the right
partner
 so they avoid marrying early. So late marriages are being affected by pupils. They think too much all the time and feel lonely. It creates
problems
 mentally and physically. To illustrate, in my city young
people
 are getting late weddings which causes complications in their lives they become smokers and drug intakes.
Hence
, health issues are generated
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
 lung
problems
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and cardiovascular.
Furthermore
, they are
also
 emotionally disturbed by their situation.
In addition
, many youngsters need support from their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 to succeed in their fields. If you have
such
 a
partner
 who really supports you
then
 you can achieve anything.
Moreover
, you can share all the hardships together and solve them. Without a lifetime
partner
, you may lose confidence in your life.
Consequently
, you have lost hope of a new life. In a nutshell, early marriage has numerous benefits ,
for instance
, companionship, emotional strength and happiness.
Although
 young
people
 avoid getting married before thirty it has disadvantages. They suffer from illness and emotional
disturb
Replace the word
disturbance
show examples
. In my opinion, youngsters should get married before thirty to avoid mental
problems
 and be happy with a new life
partner
.
Submitted by mobinadurrani43 on

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Task Achievement
For Task Achievement, ensure that you address all parts of the prompt in a balanced manner. Your essay should provide a clear opinion on the positive or negative development of the trend toward later marriage and should to some extent reflect on the level of support you have for this development. Extend your arguments with relevant examples and make clear, fully developed points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Regarding Coherence and Cohesion, the structure of your essay should exhibit a clear and logical flow of ideas, with well-organized paragraphs that each focus on a single main point. Use cohesive devices appropriately to connect ideas and paragraphs. Make sure that your introduction and conclusion are clearly identified, and that your introduction includes a thesis statement while your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and restates your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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