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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many cities are now turning parks and farmland into new housing developments. Is this a positive or negative development?

#cities #parks #farmland #developments #development
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Cities these days tend to prioritize offering more housing to
people
 and these developments often come at the expense of farmlands and parks.
While
this
 trend brings some positives, it is an undesirable turn of events
overall
. The creation of housing opportunities can help meet the growing needs of the public for housing. In recent years, rural-to-urban migration has increased, with many
people
 choosing cities to live in. With
this
come
Change the verb form
comes
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 housing shortages. When there are enough living quarters in the form of apartment blocks and multi-storey buildings not only can
people
 purchase a house of their choice but it can
also
 reduce the rental prices.
Additionally
, urban developments often contribute to higher standards of living in an area.
This
 is because the introduction of housing usually accompanies
with
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apply
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the creation of a range of public amenities
such
 as schools, hospitals, playgrounds, supermarkets, shopping malls, and entertainment facilities.
By contrast
, where
such
 developments are not facilitated,
people
 may not have access to most of these opportunities. In my opinion,
however
, the disappearance of farmland and, especially, parks in
favor
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favour
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 of creating houses has two-fold implications. For one, it can have a detrimental effect on
people
’s mental well-being.
The city
Correct article usage
City
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life
 has long been associated with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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increased levels of stress and anxiety
due to
 the fast-paced nature of
life
. Having access to green areas usually serves as a counterbalance to
this
 stress and if
people
 are deprived of
this
 opportunity,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 in urban areas may remain even more stressful.
Along with
this
, a range of other problems may arise from urbanization. As the influx of
people
 to cities in search of
better
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a better
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life
, noise and air pollution, traffic
congestions
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congestion
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 and overcrowding may become common. These changes can negatively affect the quality of
life
 for
city-dwellers
Correct your spelling
city dwellers
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. In conclusion, the positive effects of expanding living spaces even at the cost of parks and farmlands, include meeting the public demand for housing,
coupled with
 higher living standards.
However
, I still view
this
 trend negatively because it heightens the stress linked to urban living and brings undesirable consequences for the residents.
Submitted by akbarturdiyev06 on

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task achievement
You should ensure that your main points are not only clear but also extensively supported by relevant examples and fully developed ideas. Avoid superficial treatment of the topic. Each point should be elaborated with sufficient detail and supporting evidence to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a coherent structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. To improve, you could work on creating stronger links between your main points, ensuring that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. This can be achieved through the use of cohesive devices and appropriate topic sentences that guide the reader through the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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