IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Chart 1 below shows the normal price of a tablet computer in different stores (in US dollars), and the % discount offered by these stores when the products are sold on promotion. Chart 2 shows the % increase in volume sales when the discount promotions are happening, and Chart 3 shows funds (in 000 US dollars) spent on TV advertising during these promotions. Write a report summarising the information. Select and describe the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Chart 1 below shows the normal price of a tablet computer in different stores (in US dollars), and the % discount offered by these stores when the products are sold on promotion. Chart 2 shows the % increase in volume sales when the discount promotions are happening, and Chart 3 shows funds (in 000 US dollars) spent on TV advertising during these promotions. Write a report summarising the information. Select and describe the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Given are 2 charts concerning merchandise’s cost.
While
Linking Words
 the former reveals the
number
Use synonyms
 of regular value and
reduction
Use synonyms
 campaigns, counted in
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
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as well as
Linking Words
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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, the latter discloses the
number
Use synonyms
Change preposition
of hike
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Change preposition
of hike
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hike
Fix the agreement mistake
hikes
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 in the volume of
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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sale
Fix the agreement mistake
sales
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 when
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
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 the promotion programs.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of Nova and Lewis takes up the most remarkable figure in both charts. In terms of the average
prices
Fix the agreement mistake
price
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 ranges and
cost applied
Add a hyphen
cost-applied
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 promotion, Nova’s and Lewis’s products
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are valued at the most criminally exorbitant commodities and take up the most noticeable proportions with 565 and 25,
as well as
Linking Words
 460 and 20 respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Slacker, Fraser, Jones and Scotes
stores
Use synonyms
 all have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fixed
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
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 of goods in a range
approximately
Change preposition
of approximately
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 300 and 10
reduction
Use synonyms
 in price is offered in those
stores
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, Smith is the store whose products are at the cheapest price,
as well as
Linking Words
 the lowest
reduction
Use synonyms
 program with 180. As for the refinery the
number
Use synonyms
 of commodities sold when the promotional campaigns applied, which experiences a positive relation compared to the first chart. To be more specific, the higher
Use synonyms
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
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 applied, the higher
sales
Correct article usage
the sales
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 volume the
stores
Use synonyms
 received. Nova and Lewis are two
stores
Use synonyms
 which have the most surprising percentage of discount, they
also
Linking Words
 have the highest
number
Use synonyms
 of products with both over 20. At the opposite end of
scale
Add an article
the scale
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, the volume of merchandise sold
hike
Wrong verb form
hiked
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 most insignificantly with merely 5. Whilst, those of the remainings
witnesses
Wrong verb form
witnessed
show examples
 a slight acceleration in the group of 10 to 15.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, reduction, stores with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reduction" was used 4 times.
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