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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that big companies should provide sports and social facilities for the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Given the pivotal role of passion in occupation, the question of whether people should opt for unemployment rather than working but not interested . One common perspective of many people, myself included advocates the opinion that it is more necessary for individuals to be unemployed than to be employed but not enjoy. Opponents of
this
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 thinking cite the fact that salary is the key consideration when selecting a career because the unemployed can not earn money in order to secure their basic needs
such
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 as supporting their parents or working out bills each time hanging out with friends. In the worst-case scenario,
this
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 can result in strained relationships and isolation.
Nonetheless
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,
this
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 thinking fails to factor in the fact that in the unemployed period, individuals can expand their horizons,
accumulate
Correct word choice
and accumulate
show examples
 knowledge in their passion careers, which will be valuable and useful for them in seeking potential jobs in the future. That being the case, they can gain both financial conditions and dedication to
work
Use synonyms
 with passion. What is more, if everyone has to
work
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 jobs they do not enjoy, it can lead to undesirable impacts on their physical and mental health for a long time. The
testment
Correct your spelling
testament
treatment
 for
this
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 can be seen in those who are obliged to do occupations they are not fond of, they can have negative feelings
such
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 as
frustrated
Add a missing verb
being frustrated
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, tedious and losing inspiration in
work
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. That being the case, employees will not contribute their skills and expertise to a great extent for
work
Use synonyms
 leading to working less productively, which affects directly negatively on their enterprises and society. In conclusion, with the aforementioned, it is undeniable that being employed despite not interest comes with several advantages in the short term, but I believe that people should choose unemployment in order to seek a more appropriate job in the future, which can bring positive benefits that far outweigh the undesirable affects the unemployed period brings.

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay addresses the specific question or topic given. The response should remain focused on the subject without discussing unrelated matters.
coherence and cohesion
Work on linking ideas and concepts clearly and coherently throughout the essay. Each paragraph should connect logically to the next, and thoughts should be organized in a manner that enhances understanding.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • health and wellbeing
  • community relations
  • goodwill
  • economic benefits
  • loyalty
  • boost local businesses
  • resource allocation
  • employee satisfaction
  • public facilities
  • core business operations
  • financial returns
  • government responsibility
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