IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace.Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a univeristy?

#people #universities #graduates #skills #workplace #function #university #access #sake #course #employer #univeristy
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According to
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 some,
university
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students
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 should be provided with the
knowledge
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 and the
skills
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 which are helpful in the
workplace
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,
while
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 other
people
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 think that the main purpose of universities is to teach
students
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knowledge
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 regardless if it is suitable for the employer. In my opinion, I consider that universities should provide graduates with the
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 needed in the
workplace
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. On the one hand, some
people
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 believe that
students
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 should be taught the
skills
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 of the
work
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 environment, and I agree. The first reason is that
students
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 can exploit their time at the
university
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 training for
work
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.
That is
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 to say, colleges are a suitable place to study working
skills
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, which is an effective way because
students
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 are still improving their
skills
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 in many kinds ,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 social
skills
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.
Therefore
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,
students
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 have a high chance of gaining working
skills
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 during
university
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 time. Another point is that
students
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 must implement their studying in reality.
This
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 can be done by making them
work
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.
Hence
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,
this
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 way will make the
students
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 gain some
work
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experience
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 which will be helpful for the future
workplace
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.
On the other hand
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, it is believed by some
people
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 that the main sake of
university
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 is to provide
knowledge
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 for their
students
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.
Firstly
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, the student should focus on their
knowledge
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.
In other words
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,
knowledge
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 is as important as working
skills
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. So, working
skills
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 can be gained by facing many
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experience
Change to a plural noun
experiences
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 in the
work
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, but, developing the student's language has a specific time which is at the
university
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.
Secondly
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, it is difficult for working
skills
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 to be taught. To put it simply, working
skills
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 need a real
experience
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 to be gained.
To sum up
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, many
people
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 vary in their opinions.
However
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, I believe that universities should provide graduates with the
knowledge
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 and
skills
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 needed in the
workplace
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. If
students
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 cannot gain working
skills
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 at the
university
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, they might gain them from future
work
Use synonyms
experience
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by asomm5563 on

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structure
Your essay would benefit from further attention to logical structure. Aim to create clear paragraphs with distinct main ideas that are elaborated upon with specific examples. Each paragraph should transition smoothly to the next, with cohesive devices used to link ideas both within and between paragraphs.
introduction
Although you have included an introduction and conclusion, they could be improved for clarity and impact. The introduction should clearly set out your stance on the topic, and the conclusion should summarize your main points effectively, reinforcing your position. Make sure that these sections are straightforward and do not introduce new arguments or details.
elaboration
Your main points have some support, but you should work on providing more specific and relevant examples to demonstrate the applicability of your arguments. Use real-world examples, research findings, or hypothetical scenarios to illustrate your points better. Without this, your argument may lack persuasive power.
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