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Band 5.5

Students tend to choose a part-time job to earn money during the University students’ life, so they cannot balance between work and study. How could this issue affect the future generation and what are the solutions to have a better life at the university study level?

#students #job #money #university #students’ #life #balance #work #study #future #generation #level
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Nowadays, university
students
 opt to engage in part-time jobs when they study in school.
However
, there are influences that have profound impacts, and the ways to address these problems are multifaceted.
This
 essay will explore the consequences and propose possible solutions. In
this
 materialistic society, the fee to study at a university has become more expensive, so
students
 tend to work part-time to support their lives. It is widely agreed that most
students
 can not strike a balance between work and learning. One of the significant reasons is time management.
Therefore
, youngsters usually focus on the incorrect purpose, which is making money, but they are meant to be
students
.
Furthermore
, they will learn nothing at the university or they could fail plenty of subjects and be not able to graduate.
As a consequence
,
this
 can be detrimental to their future career since they don't gain professional skills from the school.
On the other hand
, there are
also
 solutions to avoid awful academic performance. One prominent aspect is to promote time management which can be accomplished by well arranging schedules. What is
also
 noteworthy is that
students
 can choose the location of part-time jobs like the school's information
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
This
 kind of workplace is provided by the schools themselves and their working timetable will consider
students
' needs.
As a result
, they will prioritize
students
' arrangements to avoid conflict with academic matters. In conclusion, it is evident that
students
 can not leverage the learning task and their part-time employment because of time management. From my perspective, choosing suitable locations and arranging study schedules can effectively address
this
 issue.
Submitted by seanlin12345 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea which is expanded upon with examples or explanations. Avoid introducing new points within a conclusion that were not discussed in the body.
coherence cohesion
Focus on properly linking ideas and paragraphs with cohesive devices that clarify the relationship between statements, such as 'moreover', 'conversely', or 'as a result'.
task achievement
Fully extend and develop your ideas. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the prompt. Introduce the topic, then provide explanations, examples, and discuss implications or results.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures and a range of vocabulary to articulate your ideas more precisely and effectively.
task achievement
Follow the essay prompt closely and make sure to address all components of the task. Offer a balanced discussion and ensure the conclusion effectively summarizes the points made.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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