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Band 4

It can be difficult for small local shops to compete with large supermarkets and with on-line shops. How does this affect local communities? What could be done to improve this situation?

#shops #supermarkets #affect #communities #situation
The situation among small
shops
,
supermarkets
 and
on-line
Correct your spelling
online
show examples
shops
 is
due to
 improving technology quite interesting. The shopping is one of the most extended businesses in the world; everyone needs it. Gradually, we can observe that more and more
shops
, including the smallest ones, are able to provide
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
on-line
Correct your spelling
online
show examples
 access to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
shopping. It is, among others, thanks to the Internet access. Undoubtedly, it is an interesting possibility for all sellers and customers too. We can observe that the competition among small
shops
,
supermarkets
 and online
shops
 is becoming very
intensive
Replace the word
intense
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. Surprisingly, the small
shops
 are slightly losing. To compete with
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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big market chains which provide all important goods,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is very demanding. To be a winner, the sellers should take
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
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 of being a small provider. It means
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 they should cover the worse accessible places, like small towns or villages. The other option is to provide some special products which the customers can not find in the
supermarkets
. The big disadvantage of the
supermarkets
, unlike the small
shops
, is the anonymity. People like talking and meeting other known people who will share their
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
 and greetings.These things make the small
shop
Fix the agreement mistake
shops
show examples
 more pleasant places. It builds
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence, supports the reliability a trust
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 providers of the services, and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
helps the customers to return
back
Rephrase
apply
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the next time.
To conclude
,
to be
Change the verb form
being
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 an owner of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 small shop is definitely not easy today. It is necessary to use all the advantages as much as possible.
However
, there exists a good chance to be a
succesfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 seller even with a small shop.
Submitted by jana.smalcova on

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structure
The essay needs to have a clearer structure with distinct paragraphs, including an introduction, several body paragraphs, and a conclusion. The introduction should clearly present the topic and your thesis statement, while the conclusion should summarize your main points and restate your thesis in a new way.
cohesion
Use cohesive devices such as linking words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs. There is a need for more explicit connections between the ideas presented for better coherence.
task response
The essay only partially responds to the task. To improve, ensure that all aspects of the questions are addressed. Discussing the impact on local communities and proposing solutions to improve the situation must be covered explicitly and in depth.
examples support
Support the main points with relevant examples and explanations. The essay would benefit from including specific examples that illustrate the challenges faced by small shops and the potential solutions that could help them compete more effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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