The line graph shows information about the salary of three sports received on a yearly basis over a period of 31 years from 1970 to 2000.

The line graph shows information about the salary of three sports received on a yearly basis over a period of 31 years from 1970 to 2000.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The graph shows how much amount of
money
Use synonyms
was earned by different sportsmen between 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
there were significant growths in the amount of earnings for each
players
Change to a singular noun
player
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it is
also
Linking Words
worth mentioning that basketball made up the largest proportion of
money
Use synonyms
over the shown
period
Use synonyms
.
Initially
Linking Words
, basketball players earned relatively little
money
Use synonyms
with around 50.000
dollars
Use synonyms
and reached about 250.000
dollars
Use synonyms
in the first 10 years.
However
Linking Words
, the figure increased rapidly to well below 2.500.000
dollars
Use synonyms
and became a new leader
at the end
Linking Words
of the
period
Use synonyms
.
Conversely
Linking Words
, despite being dominant at
first,
Linking Words
the remaining sectors,baseball and football players made
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
amount of
money
Use synonyms
compared to their counterparts over the given
period
Use synonyms
.The figure for both baseballers and footballers grew moderately from approximately 200.000
dollars
Use synonyms
and 150.000
dollars
Use synonyms
to just above 150.000
dollars
Use synonyms
and 750.000
dollars
Use synonyms
respectively during a
70- year
Correct your spelling
70-year
period
Use synonyms
before
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the figure
Change preposition
for
show examples
footballers
remaining
Wrong verb form
remained
show examples
unchanged.
Submitted by yoqubjonovjamshidbek23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words money, period, dollars with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: