Some people say it is important to keep your home and your workplace tidy, with everything organised and in the correct place. What is your opinion about this?
Some people believe
,
it is crucial to maintain the places Remove the comma
apply
that
you work and live; and everything has to have Correct word choice
where
specific
place. In my opinion, Add an article
a specific
this
trend is considered to be positive compared with negligible negative aspects. This
essay will provide my personal opinion.
On the one hand, it has some grave consequences. Firstly
, we have to spend some time
to organise our stuff. However
, in some situation, if our home or workplace be crowded, it takes us much more time
to look for our instruments or dress. In addition
, sometimes, we are not in mood
Add an article
the mood
as well as
we only want to unwind, but we have to clean our houses and move our staff to their proper places. Therefore
, it can be somehow plausible that why we are not tidy.
On the other hand
, I think, there is
many Change the verb form
are
pluspoints
in Correct your spelling
plus points
plus-points
this
trend. To begin
with, as I mentioned before, we spent
less Wrong verb form
spend
time
to look
for our stuff; and a tidy place Change the verb form
looking
make
us feel that we are Change the verb form
makes
disiplined
. Correct your spelling
disciplined
In
addition
it helps us to stay fully focused. Add a comma
addition,
For example
, many psychologists suggest us
that we work Correct pronoun usage
apply
at
clean and tidy Change preposition
in
place
because it contributes to Fix the agreement mistake
places
us
increasing our performance. Correct pronoun usage
apply
Moreover
, other people respect us more than when our workplace or home are
dirty. Change the verb form
is
As a result
, it can be certainly said, keeping house
tidy is not Correct article usage
a house
onle
beneficial ,but Correct your spelling
only
also
necessary.
All things considered, although
we should spend time
to clean
and Change the verb form
cleaning
organise
our workplaces or housesWrong verb form
organising
but
there exist numerous advantages, Remove the conjunction
apply
such
as being focused and more respect
and Replace the word
respectful
being
more efficient.Unnecessary verb
apply
Submitted by behshad_arabzadeh on
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coherence cohesion
You need to ensure your essay has a clear and logical structure. Maintain a consistent flow of ideas and ensure that each paragraph naturally leads to the next. Introduce clear topic sentences and develop them systematically.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and conclusion to frame your essay. Ensure these paragraphs effectively summarize your argument and findings. While your essay included these elements, work on refining and clearly stating your thesis and concluding thoughts.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with clear, relevant examples. Strive to use precise, concrete instances that convincingly back up your arguments. While you did include some support, it was not always specific or impactful enough.
task achievement
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task achievement
Present your ideas in a clear, comprehensive manner. Organize your thoughts to build a cohesive argument, offering a deep exploration of the subject. The ideas in your essay could be more detailed and thoroughly explained.
task achievement
Use relevant and specific examples to enhance the persuasiveness of your argument. This involves providing concrete evidence and detailed cases for the claims you make. Some examples were provided, but they could be better developed and more directly relevant to your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example