While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, more people prefer to study in university for a higher degree of certificate rather than
occupationall
training, Correct your spelling
occupational
such
as electricians and plumbers. In my opnion
, I think the Correct your spelling
opinion
later
Correct your spelling
latter
also
as important as the former in society, the following contents will list my reasons.
The vocational profession is more related to our daily lives, furthermore
, it needs more technical skills. Electricity and water supply are the two basic demands in the current lifestyle, without these two elements, we will suffer from the inconvenience. For example
, the
operation Correct article usage
apply
of
light bulbs, factory machines and research Change preposition
apply
equipments
need electricity to operate them, in addtion, except for the operation, the Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
repairing
and even installation Replace the word
repair
also
depends
on electricians. Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
As a result
, less
people choose these subjects as their majors, less experts can Change the quantifier
fewer
solving
these difficult Wrong verb form
solve
and
issues.
Some people might compare them with Correct word choice
apply
high paid
jobs, Correct your spelling
high-paying
however
, these occupations need more experience and training, which are as crucial as the others to our community, for
instance
Add the comma(s)
instance,
doctor
and Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
nurse
. Fix the agreement mistake
nurses
For example
, the inner structure of pipeline
and Fix the agreement mistake
pipelines
electronic
is more Replace the word
electronics
complicate
than Replace the word
complicated
our
Correct pronoun usage
we
imagination
, without professional training at school, it will cost Replace the word
imagine
enormous
of time to fix the problem.
In conclusion, these jobs are crucial because they either Correct article usage
an enormous
supporting
our daily lives or Wrong verb form
support
helping
the Wrong verb form
help
maintainance
of the professional fields. Correct your spelling
maintenance
Furthermore
, because of the increasing population, the demands of these professional skills will become higher these days, as a result
, I think we should encourage more students to study in these vocational fields to support the surging demands.Submitted by chaoweikevin on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and coherent structure, which affects the logical flow of information. Consider using more clear topic sentences and transitions to guide the reader through the argument.
coherence cohesion
While an introduction and conclusion are present, they could be improved for clarity and effectiveness. The introduction should clearly state the writer's position, and the conclusion should reinforce this without introducing new points.
coherence cohesion
Support for main points is weak and could be strengthened by providing more detailed examples and evidence. Additionally, developing these points further would add depth to the argument.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat complete, but there is an opportunity for a more detailed exploration of the topic. Ensure that you address all components of the question and provide a balanced view where required.
task achievement
Ideas could be expressed more clearly and comprehensively. Aim for precision and clarity in argumentation, and avoid overly complicated sentences if they sacrifice understandability.
task achievement
Use specific examples that are clearly relevant to the claim being made to support your points. More concrete examples would make the arguments more convincing and relatable to the reader.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.