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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of households in the US by their annual income in 2007, 2011 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of households in the US by their annual income in 2007, 2011 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#households #income #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart shows the US
families
Use synonyms
 who earn five types of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
annual salaries in the three different
Use synonyms
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
 of the graph shows.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that the
huge
Correct article usage
a huge
show examples
 disparity
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 earning more than $100000 and less than $ 50000,
while
Linking Words
 middle salaries of the US
families
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
similar details during the 3
period
Use synonyms
 of the graph shows. In 2007, the amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
US
families
Use synonyms
 who could
only earning
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 less than 25000
dollar
Change to a plural noun
dollars
show examples
 and between $25000 and $4999,
which had
Verb problem
was
show examples
 25
million
Use synonyms
 and approximately 27
million
Use synonyms
 respectively. At the same time, people who can earn more than $100000 was the highest during the three
Use synonyms
period
Change to a plural noun
periods
show examples
, which had nearly 30
million
Use synonyms
,
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 figure fluctuated and peaked at close to 35
million
Use synonyms
 in 2015.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, during the $ 50000- $ 74999
families
Use synonyms
 remained stable from 2007 to 2015, which had approximately 21
million
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, annual income between $ 75000 and $ 99999
families
Use synonyms
 almost less than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half with the highest
families
Use synonyms
, which had close to 15
million
Use synonyms
, around 14
million
Use synonyms
 and 15
million
Use synonyms
 during
this
Linking Words
period
Use synonyms
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 graph.
Submitted by ur790609922 on

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words families, period, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "shows" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • household distribution
  • income brackets
  • annual income
  • percentage change
  • trend analysis
  • income group
  • significant increase/decrease
  • steady growth/decline
  • fluctuations
  • compared to
  • in contrast
  • notably
  • median income
  • poverty line
  • economic factors
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