IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Children recently play games when having free time. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

#children #games #time
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Regarding the education
system
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, the form of assessment is a global topic. Among the various forms of assessments,
examination
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 is one of them and it has both negative and positive sides.
Firstly
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, the
examination
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 is a classic form of judging a
student
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 in some specific parameters.
For example
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, a
student
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 gets a fixed curriculum for his or her entire
session
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 and starts their classes to learn from the basics.
Similarly
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, the
students
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 do the home study for more practice and learning.
At the end
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 of each
session
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, they have to face exams on fixed subjects to mark the scores on performance. Definitely, the
system
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 helps the
student
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 for justifying his or her performance and
also
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 for the educational certifications.
Conversely
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, day by day the
examination
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system
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 shows its dark sides.
Students
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 are targeting the scores only rather than understanding the basics. After getting the scores or certificates,
students
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 can not identify the specific skills that they
learnt
Replace the word
learned
show examples
 or achieved from their sessions.
In contrast
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,
students
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 face enormous challenges during getting a job
for
Change preposition
because of
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of skills.
On the other hand
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, practical skill building, namely C++, python, Data science, cooking, safety, maintenance etc, helps the
student
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 a lot during his career.
Through
Change preposition
Throughout
show examples
 the whole
session
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, if a
student
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 gets continual assessment on their curriculum and skills, that will help the nation to build its structure precisely. In conclusion, the
examination
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system
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 is a necessity but continual assessment throughout the
session
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 will make the
student
Use synonyms
 an asset to the country.
Submitted by tanvir0507 on

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introduction conclusion present
The essay lacks a clear introduction that clearly states the advantages and disadvantages of examinations. Consider starting with a statement that outlines the essay's main points and previewing the advantages and disadvantages.
supported main points
The main points of the essay are not well-supported by detailed examples or explanations. To improve, provide specific examples or further explanations to clarify how exams may not effectively measure a student's understanding or skill
complete response
The response is somewhat tangential and does not adequately address the prompt, as it veers off into concerns about career skills and job market readiness rather than focusing on the advantages and disadvantages of children playing games in their free time. Make sure to address the given prompt directly and thoroughly.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas in the essay need to be more clearly and comprehensively developed. Statements about exams and skill development are made, but the advantages and disadvantages of each are not clearly articulated or explained. Ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea and supporting details.
relevant specific examples
Relevance to the prompt is also an issue; the essay should include relevant and specific examples directly related to children playing games in their free time, which the prompt asks about. Include examples that illustrate the points being made and relate them back to the prompt.
logical structure
The coherence and cohesion can be enhanced by better structuring the essay with clear topic sentences, logical progression of ideas, and effective use of linking words and phrases. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear purpose and that the essay flows smoothly from one point to the next.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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