IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both and off field can have negative influences. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#people #athletes #role #models #behavior #field #influences
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is reckoned by a large group of
people
 are being performed good image towards the young generation.
Whereas
 negative behaviour is being affected by sports
players
.
However
, the national
players
play
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a certain impact on young
children
's minds.
This
 essay will elaborate on both perspectives in the following paragraphs. The national
players
 have a great role in encouraging sports. They promote youngsters to play
games
 in the world. They
also
 hire foreign coaches which give you advanced skills. It develops the sports academies to learn new techniques of different
games
. They organize matches among school levels to measure the capability of the
children
. The youngsters
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 different schools
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
participated
by
Change preposition
as
show examples
 the national
players
.
Therefore
, it helps to analyse the ability of
such
players
 who can play on the international level.
Furthermore
, the athletes
also
 play a positive role in winning trophies or cash prizes on the international level. They encourage younger
people
 to play
games
 and represent their countries.
Hence
, the new ones can motivate those
players
 who win the prize for their country.
On the contrary
, it is argued by some folks that athletes have a negative effect on new
people
 because of their bad attitude. They think off the field they are rude and misbehave with their young
players
. They discourage giving tips to the new
people
 who can compete with them.
Consequently
, the team suffers from the young
players
 who have more potential to play and win. In a nutshell, some
people
 consider athletes to be role models for younger pupils
while
 others opine these have a negative influence on young
children
. In my point of view, the national
players
 play an important part for young
children
 they play with them to pass those techniques which help in
games
. They
also
 support them to play practice at the ground level.
Submitted by mobinadurrani43 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
1. Ensure logical structure by organizing thoughts clearly with a distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Transition words can help create a smooth flow.
Coherence & Cohesion
2. Your introduction and conclusion could be strengthened to more effectively present the main argument and summary of your discussion.
Coherence & Cohesion
3. Develop main points with clearer topic sentences and better explain the ideas to fully support your arguments.
Task Achievement
4. Make sure your response directly addresses all aspects of the task prompt to provide a complete answer.
Task Achievement
5. Aim to present ideas clearly and comprehensively, avoiding vague statements. Use specific and impactful language where appropriate
Task Achievement
6. Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments, grounded in real-world contexts or studies, where possible.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: