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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

succesfull sports professional can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.discuss both views and give your opinion.

#succesfull #sports #money #people #professions
There has been a controversy surrounding the fact that successful athletes are paid considerably more than other professionals. On the one side, it is thought that
this
 is fully justified,
while
on the other hand
, it is believed that it is unfair. In my opinion,
this
 is totally unacceptable as I believe some experts may have worked harder and made a bigger impact on our lives
while
 they may not have gotten paid enough. On one hand, in the world of sports, only a small number of athletes who have achieved significant success have gotten a huge reputation. These professionals
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a very young age have shown their skills and talents, and they have convinced very big clubs to sign huge contracts with them.
Moreover
,
ones
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
 who are interested in sports choose one of these athletes as an idol and they are inspired by their determination and they understand that a huge goal will come at a high price.
For example
, Cristiano Ronaldo, for me and many people, is known as a diligent player who maintained his place among the best players for 15 years.
On the other hand
, experts in fields
such
 as the health care system had a long-term academic career and they had to study hard to become a master in their area of specialization.
While
 people’s life relies on their work, it seems like they do not be appreciated enough.
For instance
, with their lack of time spent with their families, they do not get paid enough.
Moreover
, sportsmen and women who are famous can still make a living after retirement by advertising the products of well-known companies
such
 as Adidas or Nike
through
Change preposition
by
show examples
 posting a photo or a video
while
 other people may not have
this
 opportunity. In conclusion,
while
 individuals may vary in their opinion, I think with a lack of budget in some fields, the number of candidates for them will fall,
while
 their existence is essential for society.
Submitted by Farzaneh Ka on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear paragraph structure, with each paragraph containing one main idea and supporting sentences that develop this idea further. Avoid having overly long sentences, and check that your ideas flow logically from one to the next.
task achievement
It is crucial to fully address all parts of the task. Make sure that you discuss both views presented in the prompt and provide a clear opinion. Add more nuanced arguments and offer a balanced discussion before stating your position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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