IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Every country has poor people and every country has different ways of dealing with the poor. What are some of the reasons for world poverty? How can the poor be helped?

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The number of the poor is constantly increasing in most countries(nations) and it is becoming a global problem.
However
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, to deal with and mitigate
this
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 issue, each country has
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
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various remedies .
To begin
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 with, the reason for world bankruptcy is “Almost half the world — over three billion people — live on less than $2.50 a day.
According to
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 UNICEF, 22,000 children die each day
due to
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 hardship. And they “die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death” (Shah). Debt is one of the most serious issues in
the
Correct article usage
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nature today. When thousands of
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
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, including children, die every day from starvation, diseases, or drinking contaminated water, it cannot be unnoticed. The causes of famine are simple: lack of education, unstable family situations, poor economic conditions and effects are health problems, violence, crime and death.
Secondly
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,It is worth considering that the authority is trying to provide the needy family with food,clothes,shelter and other facilities.
For example
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, In Canada,the government made a special housing called THS(Toronto Housing Sites) which has been allocated to low-income public. The government can apply some penalties to society as to how many children they can have per family.
Also
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,the power should open some free schools and colleges so everyone can get a chance to study and they can make their future bright. In conclusion, poverty still exists as
a
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an
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 outstanding problem but since
government
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the government
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 took it as a must-solved issue we should ensure and put faith in them

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task achievement
The essay adequately addresses the topic, but the development of ideas is somewhat superficial and disjointed. Work on creating a more in-depth analysis of the reasons for world poverty and present more detailed strategies on how the poor can be helped, ideally with a range of specific, relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence, with a discernible progression of ideas. However, the logical flow is disrupted by grammar and stylistic issues. Use clear and concise topic sentences to lead your paragraphs, and ensure that your ideas are logically organized and transition smoothly from one to the next.
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