Government spend a lot of money on education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do agree or disagree?

The
government
assigns considerable money to
education
.
This
is important for people because they may ignore the recreational
activities
, which as vital. I partially agree value of leisure
activities
for students. Undoubtedly, spending money on
education
is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
essential for the nation. If people are educated, can nurture another generation very well.
Also
, they could have higher-paid jobs in their field of expertise, which can help to economic society.
For instance
, if the
government
pay attention to the deprived and educates them, they will be successful in the future and they can change the situation of their family. So
education
would be most meaningful for any nation.
On the other hand
, free-time activity is just as important as
education
. The
government
should not ignore it, as it can improve learning, especially for children and teenagers. The
government
can regulate leisure
activities
which is beneficial to find people's interests and talents.
For example
, any city must have a place for children to learn about different jobs in the form of games and entertainment. knowing their interests makes the learning platform more targeted.
To sum up
,
while
I agree the cost of tutoring is useful for society, I believe that
education
along with
recreational
activities
can be more effective, so it will be worth spending.
Submitted by siina.arabii on

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Introduction/Conclusion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that restates the topic and your opinion. Ensure you start with an introductory paragraph that paraphrases the given statement and ends with a clear thesis statement. Conclude your essay with a summarizing paragraph that encapsulates your main viewpoints.
Supporting Points
While you have provided some main points, they need to be better supported with specific examples and deeper explanations to strengthen your argument.
Logical Structure
There is a need for improved logical structuring. Your ideas should flow in a systematic order, and your paragraphs should follow a clear progression of ideas. Make use of linking words and transition phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
Task Response
You must address the task more completely. The essay should include a more balanced discussion on why you agree or disagree with the statement, supported by reasons and examples. Make sure you respond directly to the questions posed in the task.
Language Use
Use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to convey your ideas. Varying your language use can make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your linguistic capabilities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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