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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is better for students to work before their university studies. Do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #students #work #university #studies
Students
 who
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduate
show examples
 from
school
 are suggested to work by several people
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 before they continue for higher education. In my opinion, I cannot agree with
this
 idea because high
school
curriculum
Fix the agreement mistake
curricula
show examples
 are not suitable yet for a professional setting.
This
 essay will explain why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 have to continue their education first rather than working. First of all,
students
 who just graduated from high
school
 mainly do not know which job or professional setting
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they are willing to choose in the future. The main reason why they have little information is because the
school
 does not give an introduction
about
Change preposition
to
show examples
 job markets. To be more precise, It shows the difference between schools and universities. At universities,
usually
Add a comma
usually,
show examples
 they
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 the
students
 with a career service centre, so the
students
 can get
an information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 about types of job and companies as much as they can.
Secondly
,
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
 encourage the
students
 to explore many subjects in a specific program. That shows another difference because in high
school
 they have to be focused on many subjects.
For instance
, a student who is highly interested in physics still
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to take a class in social subjects
such
 as history.
Hence
, the university offers
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
more focused learning than high
school
 so the
students
 can be prepared for a specific position. In conclusion,
newly
Change the word
new
show examples
 high
school
 graduates are not recommended to be involved in
working
Correct article usage
a working
show examples
 environment because of
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of knowledge.
Moreover
, it is better for them to continue for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
higher education, either to study
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a university or to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a vocational
school
 that offers a specific subject with
practical oriented
Add a hyphen
practical-oriented
show examples
 modules.
Submitted by nadhif2799 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are purposeful but could be more impactful. Be sure to succinctly summarize the main points of your argument in both, and attempt to provide a final thought or implication in your conclusion to give your essay a sense of closure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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