IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some people take up the temporary jobs so that they have more time to do the other things. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #jobs #time #advantage
After the pandemic, the patterns of
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance have changed a lot. The methods instilled earlier for working are seen now
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 perspective. Earlier
people
 used to focus
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, on their primary goal or dream job or profession, but now they have shifted to take some temporary
jobs
 to do some other things.
This
 change is broadly classified
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two categories, first
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most common is generating capital or monetary assistance for higher studies. The pandemic has affected many small businesses,
therefore
 secure
jobs
 with high chances
not
Change preposition
of not
show examples
to get
Change the verb form
getting
show examples
 affected
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 any
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
show examples
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
situation
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 in most demand. Since more
people
 want
jobs
 so competing candidates’ number has
also
 increased
therefore
, higher and more specialized education is required to get an edge over others during selection.
Thus
,
this
 costly education requires capital which can be generated with
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
temporary
jobs
.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 category
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 is
people
 who have the perspective that, life is very uncertain and anything can happen like the recent pandemic.
This
 thought led them to go for the things which
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 immediate gratification more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 the secure goal.
Such
people
 often end up in
trap
Add an article
the trap
a trap
show examples
 of social media’s fantasy and false hopes.
For example
, scams of earning money fast.
Although
 it is crystal clear
to understand
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that these scams target
such
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
people
 who are struggling and
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
show examples
 to earn something fast, still many become their prey. It is true that there are some demerits of doing
jobs
 other than your primary dream job, but the merits outweigh them by
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 margin. Doing temporary
jobs
 gives
people
 their
independency
Replace the word
independence
show examples
 in generating capital and
void
Verb problem
prevents
show examples
 them
getting
Change preposition
from getting
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 huge debt.
Also
, it helps in
overall
 growth and exposure to the society someone has to work in.
Thus
, I strongly believe that the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of doing temporary
jobs
 outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by plkkhati on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction explicitly addresses the question and outlines your position. Your conclusion should restate your position clearly, reflecting the argument's progression.
logical structure
To improve your essay's logical structure, use transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of information between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Provide clear main points to support your argument and expand on them with specific examples or evidence.
complete response
To fully respond to the task, make sure to explore both advantages and disadvantages equally before reaching your conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to ensure each point is fully developed and easy to understand.
relevant specific examples
Strengthen your argument by incorporating relevant, specific examples to support each of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: