IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people take up the temporary jobs so that they have more time to do the other things. Does the advantage outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #jobs #time #advantage
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After the pandemic, the patterns of
work life
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
 balance have changed a lot. The methods instilled earlier for working are seen now
in
Change preposition
from
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different
Add an article
a different
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 perspective. Earlier
people
Use synonyms
 used to focus
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, on their primary goal or dream job or profession, but now they have shifted to take some temporary
jobs
Use synonyms
 to do some other things.
This
Linking Words
 change is broadly classified
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 two categories, first
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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most common is generating capital or monetary assistance for higher studies. The pandemic has affected many small businesses,
therefore
Linking Words
 secure
jobs
Use synonyms
 with high chances
not
Change preposition
of not
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to get
Change the verb form
getting
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 affected
in
Change preposition
by
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 any
crises
Fix the agreement mistake
crisis
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like
Change preposition
apply
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situation
is
Change the verb form
are
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 in most demand. Since more
people
Use synonyms
 want
jobs
Use synonyms
 so competing candidates’ number has
also
Linking Words
 increased
therefore
Linking Words
, higher and more specialized education is required to get an edge over others during selection.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 costly education requires capital which can be generated with
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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temporary
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Second
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The second
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 category
,
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apply
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 is
people
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 who have the perspective that, life is very uncertain and anything can happen like the recent pandemic.
This
Linking Words
 thought led them to go for the things which
gives
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give
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 immediate gratification more
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
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 the secure goal.
Such
Linking Words
people
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 often end up in
trap
Add an article
the trap
a trap
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 of social media’s fantasy and false hopes.
For example
Linking Words
, scams of earning money fast.
Although
Linking Words
 it is crystal clear
to understand
Verb problem
apply
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that these scams target
Linking Words
such
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 who are struggling and
wants
Correct subject-verb agreement
want
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 to earn something fast, still many become their prey. It is true that there are some demerits of doing
jobs
Use synonyms
 other than your primary dream job, but the merits outweigh them by
huge
Add an article
a huge
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 margin. Doing temporary
jobs
Use synonyms
 gives
people
Use synonyms
 their
independency
Replace the word
independence
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 in generating capital and
void
Verb problem
prevents
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 them
getting
Change preposition
from getting
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in
Change preposition
into
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 huge debt.
Also
Linking Words
, it helps in
overall
Linking Words
 growth and exposure to the society someone has to work in.
Thus
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
 of doing temporary
jobs
Use synonyms
 outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by plkkhati on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction explicitly addresses the question and outlines your position. Your conclusion should restate your position clearly, reflecting the argument's progression.
logical structure
To improve your essay's logical structure, use transition words and phrases to enhance the flow of information between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Provide clear main points to support your argument and expand on them with specific examples or evidence.
complete response
To fully respond to the task, make sure to explore both advantages and disadvantages equally before reaching your conclusion.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and expand your ideas to ensure each point is fully developed and easy to understand.
relevant specific examples
Strengthen your argument by incorporating relevant, specific examples to support each of your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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