Some people think that a huge amount of time and money is spent on protection of wild animals, and that money could be better spent on human population. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

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Colossal resources for wildlife protection
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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a controversial topic nowadays.
People
Use synonyms
believe that it should be allocated to human benefit.
I’m holding
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I hold
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an
Correct article usage
the
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opposite view that
people
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should respect the value of nature and spend a host of money and time to preserve our
balance
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balanced
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ecological and biodiverse system which could be beneficial for both
human
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humans
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and
environment
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the environment
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in the long run.
This
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essay will provide some
of
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apply
show examples
explanations
why
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as to why
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people
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should pay attention and put more
efforts
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effort
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to
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into
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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endangered
animals
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. First of all, when it comes to the endangered
animals
Use synonyms
and plants on the Earth, we are now fully aware of the importance of
natural
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the natural
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impact
of
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on
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our human life. The missing of every single
specie
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species
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in the
thousand
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thousands
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of fauna could seriously threaten the disruption of
food
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the food
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chain.
For example
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, if the predators like tiger and lion were disappearing,
this
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could gradually lead to the extinction of the
preys
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prey
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like buffalo, deer and so on. The explanation for
this
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phenomena
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phenomenon
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is
that
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apply
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the vital role of the former in
term
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terms
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of stimulating the latter survival abilities in the wild environment.
On the other hand
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, it is obvious how much human
beings
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beings'
being's
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survival reply on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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wild
animal
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animals
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when it comes to the medical aspect.
The precious
Correct article usage
Precious
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and rare medical elements can deter
people
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deceases
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from deceases
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such
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as cancer and Alzheimer which have been successfully found
from
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in
show examples
the immune system of wild
animals
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. It have been saving a million
of
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apply
show examples
people
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from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
serious deceases and offering them a longer and stronger
live
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life
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. In conclusion, I firmly
to
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apply
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assert how imperative
of
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apply
show examples
animals
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to
Add a missing verb
are to
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humankind and the sustainability of societal growth. It’s
extreme
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extremely
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unwise to downplay the reality of the
unbalance
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unbalanced
show examples
of
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apply
show examples
ecological and biodiverse
system
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systems
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and
having
Wrong verb form
have
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the notion that the funding allocated to preserve the environment for them is verging excess,
people
Use synonyms
should even spend more unless
otherwise
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people
Use synonyms
will definitely pay a higher price to save our lives.
Submitted by hoangthoakinhte on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position in response to the prompt. While the introduction in this essay presents a view, it could be sharpened with a more specific thesis statement that more clearly states the writer's opinion and what the essay aims to discuss.
Task Achievement
To score higher in task achievement, extend and support your main points with specific, detailed examples. This essay lacked concrete, real-life instances or data to back up assertions, which could have strengthened the argument and highlighted the essay's alignment with the prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your essay by improving transitions and connections between paragraphs. The coherence could be enhanced by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate linking words and phrases that reflect the logical relationship between ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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