Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool. To what extent do you agree with this?

Juvenile in the present
time
spend
Change the verb form
spends
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quality
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
tv
.althought ,
Correct word choice
although
show examples
reading books have not lost their value .
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
strongly believe that
child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
show examples
spend
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
of
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
waching
Correct your spelling
watching
television
due to
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
less
time
to get more information
also
there are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
variety
options
Change preposition
of options
show examples
to
entertamint
Correct your spelling
entertain
entertainment
.
waching
Correct your spelling
watching
tv
is one of the most popular
activity
Change to a plural noun
activities
show examples
that
minores
Correct your spelling
minors
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in their free
time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because it is
reaky
Correct your spelling
really
ready
handy and
esay
Correct your spelling
easy
to use
also
it is
Correct article usage
an extremaly
show examples
extremaly
Correct your spelling
extremely
prevalence
Replace the word
prevalent
show examples
device in our house , child
use
Change the verb form
uses
show examples
tv
Add an article
the tv
show examples
for watching movies ,hearing a
song
Fix the agreement mistake
songs
show examples
as well as
to kill their
leasuire
Correct your spelling
leisure
pleasure
time
. even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
show examples
books
everey
Correct your spelling
every
time
from past to now have
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
advantage to
bulit
Correct your spelling
build
built
childs
Change to a genitive case
child's
show examples
personality in order to still have played a
bing
Correct your spelling
big
show examples
role in their life .
for example
in my
countrey
Correct your spelling
country
reading book is one of the common
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
in our school system that minore should at least read
Correct article usage
an
show examples
artical
Correct your spelling
article
articles
twice a week and make
conversation
Correct article usage
a conversation
show examples
about it .
childs
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
are really
intrestead
Correct your spelling
interested
in watching
tv
since it
hase
Correct your spelling
has
a number of programs or
tv
shows that they can learn some new things
additionally
, it is a great way to catch up on news about
Correct article usage
the
show examples
global
however
, they should more care about reading books in order to improve their reading skill and more mature , if
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
give you a clear idea about how important book ,
according
Add the preposition
according to
show examples
newst
Correct your spelling
newest
news
reasearch
Correct your spelling
research
children who read they are more
powrful
Correct your spelling
powerful
in term of personality and confidence
thather
Correct your spelling
rather
that her
than that child who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more watch television . in
counclude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, watching
tv
at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present is more
wildspread
Correct your spelling
widespread
more than reading
book
Correct article usage
a book
show examples
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
a little
time
they can obtain a lot of dates about almost every
things
Change to a singular noun
thing
show examples
and you can choose whatever you
whant
Correct your spelling
want
what
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
mean what is your favorite program ,
however
still reading
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a
valubale
Correct your spelling
valuable
stage .
Submitted by dler_shakar on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear paragraphs with a logical progression of ideas. Work on structuring your essay into clear paragraphs with one main idea each, linked by cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Include an introductory paragraph that clearly addresses the essay topic and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and opinion. Both elements are essential for framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific reasons, examples, and results. The ideas presented need to be developed further with concrete details and clear explanations to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Ensure you respond to all parts of the task. This essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of why television cannot replace books as a learning tool.
task achievement
Strive to express your ideas clearly and in a well-organized manner. Your response should be understandable, but it's currently difficult to follow due to grammatical errors and unclear expression.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to illustrate your points. While you've attempted to include examples, they need to be more specific and directly related to the question to effectively support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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