Children nowadays spend a great deal of time watching television. However, television cannot replace the book as a learning tool. To what extent do you agree with this?

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Juvenile in the present
time
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spend
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spends
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a
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apply
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quality
of
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apply
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time
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of
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apply
show examples
watching
tv
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.althought ,
Correct word choice
although
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reading books have not lost their value .
i
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I
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strongly believe that
child
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children
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spend
alot
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a lot
of
time
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on
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apply
show examples
waching
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watching
television
due to
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take
Wrong verb form
taking
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less
time
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to get more information
also
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there are
a
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apply
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variety
options
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of options
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to
entertamint
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entertain
entertainment
.
waching
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watching
tv
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is one of the most popular
activity
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activities
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that
minores
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minors
use
it
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apply
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in their free
time
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,
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apply
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because it is
reaky
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really
ready
handy and
esay
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easy
to use
also
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it is
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an extremaly
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extremaly
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extremely
prevalence
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prevalent
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device in our house , child
use
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uses
show examples
Use synonyms
tv
Add an article
the tv
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for watching movies ,hearing a
song
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songs
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as well as
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to kill their
leasuire
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leisure
pleasure
time
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. even
thought
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though
show examples
books
everey
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every
time
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from past to now have
big
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a big
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advantage to
bulit
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build
built
childs
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child's
show examples
personality in order to still have played a
bing
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big
show examples
role in their life .
for example
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in my
countrey
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country
reading book is one of the common
activity
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activities
show examples
in our school system that minore should at least read
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an
show examples
artical
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article
articles
twice a week and make
conversation
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a conversation
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about it .
childs
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children
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are really
intrestead
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interested
in watching
tv
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since it
hase
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has
a number of programs or
tv
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shows that they can learn some new things
additionally
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, it is a great way to catch up on news about
Correct article usage
the
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global
however
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, they should more care about reading books in order to improve their reading skill and more mature , if
i
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I
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give you a clear idea about how important book ,
according
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according to
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newst
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newest
news
reasearch
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research
children who read they are more
powrful
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powerful
in term of personality and confidence
thather
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rather
that her
than that child who
are
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is
show examples
more watch television . in
counclude
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conclude
, watching
tv
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at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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present is more
wildspread
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widespread
more than reading
book
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a book
show examples
beacause
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because
by
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in
show examples
a little
time
Use synonyms
they can obtain a lot of dates about almost every
things
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thing
show examples
and you can choose whatever you
whant
Correct your spelling
want
what
i
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I
show examples
mean what is your favorite program ,
however
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still reading
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a
valubale
Correct your spelling
valuable
stage .
Submitted by dler_shakar on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks clear paragraphs with a logical progression of ideas. Work on structuring your essay into clear paragraphs with one main idea each, linked by cohesive devices.
coherence cohesion
Include an introductory paragraph that clearly addresses the essay topic and a conclusion that summarizes your main points and opinion. Both elements are essential for framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with specific reasons, examples, and results. The ideas presented need to be developed further with concrete details and clear explanations to make your argument stronger.
task achievement
Ensure you respond to all parts of the task. This essay would benefit from a more thorough exploration of why television cannot replace books as a learning tool.
task achievement
Strive to express your ideas clearly and in a well-organized manner. Your response should be understandable, but it's currently difficult to follow due to grammatical errors and unclear expression.
task achievement
Use relevant examples to illustrate your points. While you've attempted to include examples, they need to be more specific and directly related to the question to effectively support your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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