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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say History is one of most important school subjects other people think that, in today world, subject like science and technology are more important than History. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Some individuals strongly believe that
History
Use synonyms
 is the most necessary area for study others,
however
Linking Words
, claim people must pay attention to
science
Use synonyms
 and technology rather than
history
Use synonyms
. Despite on that all mentioned disciplines are important I agree that
history
Use synonyms
 is a privilege to study because it helps manage
society
Use synonyms
 in the right direction.
Body · 1
The
history
Use synonyms
 assignment is to help manage
society
Use synonyms
 in the right way avoiding revolutions, wars and economic crises.
In other words
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, only investigation of the past provides a possibility to understand how
society
Use synonyms
 develops, and what are the reasons for actions and consequences.
For instance
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, remembering the of bombing Hiroshima and Nagasaki helps to deter the use of nuclear weapons.
Hence
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,
history
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 repeats itself and scrutinizing it is helpful to escape disaster which makes
this
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 subject more important than others.
Body · 2
However
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,
history
Use synonyms
 is really important
science
Use synonyms
 and technology support the development of
society
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, making people's lives much secure and comfortable. It is because all
science
Use synonyms
 subjects find more effective ways of solving problems which humanity faces.
For example
Linking Words
, the Internet helps to diagnose diseases distantly in small towns where there is no appropriate medicine service.
Although
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 new technologies make relief a life, they can be harmful like the nuclear bomb dropped on Japanese cities.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, it can be claimed that
history
Use synonyms
 is one of the most important subjects.
Moreover
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,
history
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 is responsible for humanity's survival. In the end, it is quite superficial to say that technology or
science
Use synonyms
 is more necessary
,
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apply
show examples
 because they carry local benefits.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure which makes it hard for the reader to follow your argument. You should structure your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, ensuring each paragraph contains one clear main idea, and use appropriate paragraphing.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion must be clearly distinguishable and effectively summarise the main points of the essay. Currently, your introduction is insufficiently developed and your conclusion is not effectively summarising the main points of the argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
You must support your main points with specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument. In this essay, examples are either lacking or too generalised which fail to convincingly support the claims made.
Task Achievement
You have provided a response to the task but it is not fully complete. To achieve a higher score, ensure that you fully address all parts of the task, giving equal treatment to all aspects of the prompt and presenting a balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
The ideas presented in the essay need to be clear and comprehensive. It is important to expand on your ideas with detailed explanation and rationale, instead of merely stating them.
Task Achievement
The use of relevant and specific examples is essential to illustrate the argument and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic. The essay lacks such examples, which weakens the overall argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • crucial
  • comprehend
  • retrospect
  • gain insights
  • reflect on
  • sharpen
  • evaluate
  • significance
  • heritage
  • legacy
  • advent
  • breakthroughs
  • sustain
  • sustainability
  • revolutions
  • empowered
  • overcome
  • transform
  • advancements
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • diversity
  • fulfilling
  • promote
  • facilitate
  • prosperity
  • enhance
  • foster
  • foundation
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