IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts show the proportion of holidaymakers of one region staying in different types of accommodation in three different years. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#show #proportion #holidaymakers #region #accommodation #three #years #information #features #comparisons
Th
Correct your spelling
The
show examples
 given pie charts illustrate the proportion of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an area who stay in disparate types of residence in three years. It is clearly evident that staying with family and friends was by far the most popular choice in
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
 which
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 above 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 1988 and 1998, but
this
 number decreased to 44
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2008.
Further
,
while
 camping was a favourable option with
26
Correct article usage
a 26
show examples
 ratio in 1988, its popularity declined after a decade to 13, and
finally
 reached merely 12 in 2008.
Moreover
, taking a hotel room was the third
common
Correct quantifier usage
most common
show examples
 way for holidaymakers with
15
Correct article usage
a 15
show examples
 ratio in 1988.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
this
 number increased after ten years and became 22 and stayed stable until 2008.
Last
 but not least,
although
 renting an apartment was an unpopular option in 1988 with just 7
portion
Change to a plural noun
portions
show examples
, it jumped to 11
fraction
Change to a plural noun
fractions
show examples
 in 1998, and
finally
, reached a peak at 22
allotment
Change to a plural noun
allotments
show examples
 in 2008.
Overall
, staying with family and friends was the most common way during times.
Additionally
, camping was a prominent way, but it diminished over time. Despite renting
house
Add an article
a house
the house
show examples
 and reserving
hotel
Correct article usage
a hotel
show examples
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 an unknown
approaches
Change the noun form
approach
show examples
, they became trendy after two decades.
Submitted by tg.persian on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "finally".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: