IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many companies sponsor sports as a way to advertise themselves. Some people think this is good for the world of sports, while others think there are disadvantages of this.  Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

#companies #sponsor #sports #people #world
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There is an issue with
sports
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programs
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 that are supported by advertisements. Some
people
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 argue that
this
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 development gives positive value to world
sports
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,
while
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 others believe that it will bring some drawbacks.
This
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 essay will elucidate both sides with examples
in
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from
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 each perspective. Sponsorship
programs
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 enhance the ability of
sports
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 organizations to accommodate training
as well as
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 hiring some professional candidates. Because of funding, communities will utilize the funds to build well-designed infrastructure buildings,
such
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 as training
centers
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centres
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,
gyms
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gym
show examples
centers
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centres
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, and other buildings. The more funds are gained, the more the organizations can enhance the athletes with a lot of skills.
In addition
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, the money from sponsorship could be used to exchange
programs
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 for
people
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's development.
For example
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, the best club player in football
such
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 as Manchester United, needs to hire Lionel Messi to play in its team.
This
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 trend is not only to increase team ability but
also
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 to motivate the
people
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 in the organization to make efforts and critically thinking just like professionals. Since
sports
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 events are confirmed at all societal levels, the preference for advertisement should be limited to only legal products. Some advertisements that are shown in
sports
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programs
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 are prohibited for
people
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 under age.
For instance
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, the football event should filter the funding from cigarette and alcoholic companies because it is a fact that smoking or drinking alcohol is prohibited for
people
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 under age. When
sports
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 organizations only focus on funds without thinking about the side effects of ads for illegal products, it leads the drawbacks in society.
Submitted by 2024successielts on

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introduction
Make sure your introduction clearly presents the topic and both views as well as your own position. This will immediately establish the context for the discussion and clarity for the reader.
balanced discussion
Provide a more balanced discussion of both viewpoints. While you have discussed the positive impacts of sports sponsorship, the negative impacts are not fully explored and lack concrete examples.
conclusion
End your essay with a conclusion that summarizes the main points and clearly states your opinion. This rounds off the essay and provides closure.
linking
To achieve higher coherence, use a variety of linking devices to connect ideas within and between paragraphs more effectively.
developing points
Develop each main point with specific examples and explanations to demonstrate a thorough understanding and provide support for your arguments.
structure
Maintain a logical structure throughout the essay by clearly separating and dedicating paragraphs to specific aspects of the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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