IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, more and more business meetings and business training are taking place online. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

In
this
Linking Words
 modern age, an increasing number of companies are choosing to do their meetings and
traning
Correct your spelling
training
trough
Correct your spelling
through
show examples
 online. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will explain why the benefits of
company
Use synonyms
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
 and
employee
Use synonyms
 training overshadow the potential drawbacks. On the one hand, doing business online can
also
Linking Words
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 a negative impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
. The major
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
show examples
 that could
be occur
Change the verb form
occur
show examples
 is
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of interaction and attention by the
employee
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the probability of human error
also
Linking Words
 increased.
For instance
Linking Words
, the training that
held
Add a missing verb
is held
show examples
 online is boring and the attendee not focus because they
also
Linking Words
 do their work or multitask behind their screen.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 effective for training or development.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, people nowadays
are prefer
Change the verb form
prefer
show examples
 to perform their business activities
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online. One of the reason
because
Add a missing verb
is because
show examples
 it
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
save
Change the verb form
saves
show examples
 the budget and flexible
interms
Correct your spelling
in terms
 of place. As we know
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 pandemic that
happen
Wrong verb form
happened
show examples
 in 2020 and all of
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 should be run at home, is one of the evidence that
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 can stay productive even at home.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 method
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 still used by several
entity
Change to a plural noun
entities
show examples
 in the following year because it
earn
Change the verb form
earns
show examples
 more profit by reducing offline encounter. To illustrate, some
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
show examples
 have a lot of office
branch
Fix the agreement mistake
branches
show examples
, they can
held
Change the verb form
hold
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
online coaching via Zoom apps,
instead
Linking Words
 of booking a hotel and room, to reduce their cost. In conclusion, online meetings and training
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 do not run effectively because of lack of attention,
this
Linking Words
 method still can provide several benefits like
cut
Wrong verb form
cutting
show examples
 the budget and time
efficient
Replace the word
efficiency
show examples
 both for
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
show examples
end
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas sometimes appearing haphazardly rather than following a coherent progression. Use clear and concise topic sentences to introduce the main ideas in each paragraph, and ensure they logically follow from one to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
While an introduction and a conclusion are present, they could be improved for clarity and impact. The introduction should outline the main advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed, while the conclusion should summarize the points made and clearly state your position on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points require further development. Use more specific examples, statistics, or case studies to support your arguments. Additionally, there is room for more sophisticated sentence structures to enhance the maturity of the writing.
Task Achievement
Respond to the task by explicitly addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. It's important to balance the essay by discussing both sides equally before providing a reasoned conclusion. The final position of the essay appears contradictory to the preceding content, indicating a lack of clear response to the task.
Task Achievement
Ideas must be expressed clearly to fully convey the writer's viewpoint. Although the ideas are comprehensive, they lack depth and detailed development. The essay would benefit from choosing fewer points and expanding on them with clear justifications and examples that directly relate to the topic.
Task Achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to reinforce your arguments. This essay would benefit from real-world evidences such as specific company practices or statistical data that underline the arguments being made for or against online business meetings and training.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: