IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, more and more business meetings and business training are taking place online. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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In
this
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 modern age, an increasing number of companies are choosing to do their meetings and
traning
Correct your spelling
training
trough
Correct your spelling
through
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 online. In
this
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 essay,
i
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I
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 will explain why the benefits of
company
Use synonyms
meeting
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meetings
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 and
employee
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 training overshadow the potential drawbacks. On the one hand, doing business online can
also
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give
Verb problem
have
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 a negative impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
Use synonyms
company
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the company
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. The major
problems
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problem
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 that could
be occur
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occur
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 is
,
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apply
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of interaction and attention by the
employee
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.
Moreover
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, the probability of human error
also
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 increased.
For instance
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, the training that
held
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is held
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 online is boring and the attendee not focus because they
also
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 do their work or multitask behind their screen.
As a result
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,
this
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 method
not
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is not
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 effective for training or development.
On the other hand
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, people nowadays
are prefer
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prefer
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 to perform their business activities
by
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apply
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online. One of the reason
because
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is because
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 it
more
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apply
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save
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saves
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 the budget and flexible
interms
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in terms
 of place. As we know
that
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the
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 pandemic that
happen
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happened
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 in 2020 and all of
business
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the business
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 should be run at home, is one of the evidence that
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employee
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employees
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 can stay productive even at home.
Thus
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,
this
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 method
are
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is
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 still used by several
entity
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entities
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 in the following year because it
earn
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earns
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 more profit by reducing offline encounter. To illustrate, some
Use synonyms
company
Fix the agreement mistake
companies
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 have a lot of office
branch
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branches
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, they can
held
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hold
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an
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apply
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online coaching via Zoom apps,
instead
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 of booking a hotel and room, to reduce their cost. In conclusion, online meetings and training
sometime
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sometimes
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 do not run effectively because of lack of attention,
this
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 method still can provide several benefits like
cut
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cutting
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 the budget and time
efficient
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efficiency
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 both for
Use synonyms
company
Correct article usage
the company
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end
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and
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Use synonyms
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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.
Therefore
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, on balance, I remain firmly convinced that the merits are eclipsed by the demerits.

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, with ideas sometimes appearing haphazardly rather than following a coherent progression. Use clear and concise topic sentences to introduce the main ideas in each paragraph, and ensure they logically follow from one to the next.
Coherence & Cohesion
While an introduction and a conclusion are present, they could be improved for clarity and impact. The introduction should outline the main advantages and disadvantages that will be discussed, while the conclusion should summarize the points made and clearly state your position on the issue.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main points require further development. Use more specific examples, statistics, or case studies to support your arguments. Additionally, there is room for more sophisticated sentence structures to enhance the maturity of the writing.
Task Achievement
Respond to the task by explicitly addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic. It's important to balance the essay by discussing both sides equally before providing a reasoned conclusion. The final position of the essay appears contradictory to the preceding content, indicating a lack of clear response to the task.
Task Achievement
Ideas must be expressed clearly to fully convey the writer's viewpoint. Although the ideas are comprehensive, they lack depth and detailed development. The essay would benefit from choosing fewer points and expanding on them with clear justifications and examples that directly relate to the topic.
Task Achievement
Include relevant and specific examples to reinforce your arguments. This essay would benefit from real-world evidences such as specific company practices or statistical data that underline the arguments being made for or against online business meetings and training.
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