IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that professional workers such as doctors, nurses and teachers make greater contribution. So they should be paid more than those sport and entertainment persons. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #workers #doctors #nurses #teachers #contribution #sport #entertainment #persons
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According to
 some
individuals
, professional professionals
such
 as
doctors
, nurses, and teachers have a more significant impact.
Therefore
,
individuals
 in other professions,
such
 as sports and entertainment, should receive a lower compensation compared to them. What is the degree of agreement or disagreement you hold? In the present era, there exist numerous highly skilled professionals, including
doctors
, nurses, and teachers, who undoubtedly make greater contributions than others.
For example
, each physician typically works for more than 12 hours per day and occasionally extends their working hours at a hospital
due to
 their responsibilities.
Consequently
,
doctors
 in the fields of sports, filmmaking, and hospitality receive higher salaries compared to the general population. It is unanimously decided to adhere to
this
 previously indicated issue.
Firstly
, these specialised positions are professions that include working with human beings
,
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apply
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 and obtaining the necessary credentials can be a time-consuming process. Prior to completing their university education, they dedicated more than four years to conducting research and studying in the field of human-related subjects. In order to earn the qualification of a medical practitioner, a doctor must engage in ongoing study and
practise
Correct your spelling
practice
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 for several additional years after obtaining their certificate.
Subsequently
, a duly authorised physician would be capable of providing medical services to the population.
Additionally
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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specialised staff members,
such
 as those in nursing and pharmaceutical, are required to dedicate a significantly greater amount of time compared to their counterparts in other sectors.
For example
, any nurse assigned to the night shift is unable to sleep adequately because of their duty.
In contrast
, a doctor may have to attend to a significant number of patients, which might greatly reduce their daily sleep duration.
Similarly
, a school instructor should consistently provide instruction and guidance to students, whether it be through reviewing homework or continuously preparing materials for the next session. Meanwhile, it is likely that many
doctors
, nurses, and instructors experience a range of adverse effects themselves, including stomach pain, weariness, or melancholy. When experiencing significant stress,
individuals
 may feel uneasy, which might result in additional harm to their loved ones. The authority has a responsibility to prioritise the well-being of these
individuals
 who serve humanity and compensate them adequately for their sacrifices made for the nation.
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task achievement
Ensure there is a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively paraphrases the question and summarises your argument.
task achievement
Expand and support your points with more specific examples and further explanation to fully develop your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Work on organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a singular focus that contributes to the overall argument.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of linking words and phrases to better connect your ideas and improve the flow from one paragraph to the next.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your essay directly addresses the prompt throughout and that you communicate a clear position from the introduction to conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Check the essay for grammatical accuracy and ensure proper sentence structure to convey your points more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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