In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

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Eduaction
Correct your spelling
Education
plays a crucial role in people's lives. At present in many nations,
the
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apply
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pupils can work
while
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they are
studied
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studying
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in school and college
due to
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the
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apply
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financial
problem
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problems
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as well as
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getting practical
experience
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. I consider
this
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is
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to be
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the best plan for
students
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.
This
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essay shall discuss it briefly in the following paragraphs.
To begin
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with, there
are
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is
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large
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a large
the large
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number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
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of peers
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
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working
while
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they are studying
due to
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the
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apply
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financial issues, they have to pay the
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
fee
by
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apply
show examples
themself because their family situations are not financially
supported
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supportive
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. Part-time jobs can help the student's
tution
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tuition
fee
along with
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other material expenses too.
For instance
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, the UK has given
permit
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permits
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to
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for to
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pupils
can
Verb problem
apply
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work
while
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they attend classes like part-time employment. These types of
assistence
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assistance
peers can lead to completing their study courses without
Add an article
a drop
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drop
Wrong verb form
dropping
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and all
students
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might be finished the high school level without any
intrupts
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interrupts
.
Furthermore
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, practical
experience
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can
get by
Verb problem
be obtained from
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the
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apply
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part-time work
while
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studying pupils. They can easily understand
about
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apply
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life, money cannot easily earn that and there
are
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is
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so much
hardwork
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hard work
are
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is
show examples
needed. Certainly,
this
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kind of real-time
experience
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might be a good and
hardwork
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hardworking
hard work
person in future.
For example
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, many Indian
students
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are paid
tutions
Correct your spelling
tuition
fees by part-time employment,
therefore
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, their academic results are good as compared to the others who financially
depends
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depend
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on their parents. Studying
while
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working can give
more
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them more
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responsible
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responsibility
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and they clearly know about value of the money.
To conclude
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, part-time jobs can give more benefits to
the
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apply
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students
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who economically suffer in order to they can pay their own course fees
by
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with
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their earnings, they can get a
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
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experience
Use synonyms
from
this
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.
Therefore
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, I think studying
while
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part-time working is a good idea for peers.
This
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trend drives more benefits to society.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the essay's stance and the main points that will be discussed. Avoid ambiguities and be more concise in the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting ideas and paragraphs more logically, using a clear line of reasoning. Employ a variety of connective words or phrases to enhance the flow of information.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas and try to expand on the points with more depth and analysis. Make sure examples are relevant and specific to support arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
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