In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.

Eduaction
Correct your spelling
Education
plays a crucial role in people's lives. At present in many nations,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pupils can work
while
they are
studied
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
in school and college
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
as well as
getting practical
experience
. I consider
this
is
Change the verb form
to be
show examples
the best plan for
students
.
This
essay shall discuss it briefly in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
number
Fix the agreement mistake
numbers
show examples
of peers
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are
show examples
working
while
they are studying
due to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial issues, they have to pay the
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
fee
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
themself because their family situations are not financially
supported
Replace the word
supportive
show examples
. Part-time jobs can help the student's
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
fee
along with
other material expenses too.
For instance
, the UK has given
permit
Change the form of the verb
permits
show examples
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
pupils
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
work
while
they attend classes like part-time employment. These types of
assistence
Correct your spelling
assistance
peers can lead to completing their study courses without
Add an article
a drop
show examples
drop
Wrong verb form
dropping
show examples
and all
students
might be finished the high school level without any
intrupts
Correct your spelling
interrupts
.
Furthermore
, practical
experience
can
get by
Verb problem
be obtained from
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time work
while
studying pupils. They can easily understand
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life, money cannot easily earn that and there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
so much
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hard work
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
needed. Certainly,
this
kind of real-time
experience
might be a good and
hardwork
Correct your spelling
hardworking
hard work
person in future.
For example
, many Indian
students
are paid
tutions
Correct your spelling
tuition
fees by part-time employment,
therefore
, their academic results are good as compared to the others who financially
depends
Change the verb form
depend
show examples
on their parents. Studying
while
working can give
more
Correct pronoun usage
them more
show examples
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
and they clearly know about value of the money.
To conclude
, part-time jobs can give more benefits to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
who economically suffer in order to they can pay their own course fees
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
their earnings, they can get a
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
experience
from
this
.
Therefore
, I think studying
while
part-time working is a good idea for peers.
This
trend drives more benefits to society.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines the essay's stance and the main points that will be discussed. Avoid ambiguities and be more concise in the thesis statement.
coherence and cohesion
Work on connecting ideas and paragraphs more logically, using a clear line of reasoning. Employ a variety of connective words or phrases to enhance the flow of information.
task achievement
Avoid repetition of ideas and try to expand on the points with more depth and analysis. Make sure examples are relevant and specific to support arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
What to do next:
Look at other essays: