IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people,however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Some
disputes
Fix the agreement mistake
dispute
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 the economic
growth
Use synonyms
 of the
country
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 is their most important goal.
The economic
Correct article usage
Economic
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growth
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 and other types of progress are equally important and these are closely related to each other
however
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 would prefer to argue, not to
justifying
Wrong verb form
justify
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 priority among them. Expanding the
economy
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 of a
country
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 will not only expand the
economical
Replace the word
economic
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growth
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 of a
country
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. If
annual
Add an article
the annual
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 income of
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country's
Correct article usage
a country's
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indiviudual
Correct your spelling
individual
persons's
Change noun form
persons
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 increases the annual income of a
country
Use synonyms
 will
also
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increases
Change the verb form
increase
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.
Similarly
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, all other components should be increased to increase the economic
growth
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 of a
country
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.
Moreover
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, as industries and businesses may be nurtured effectively under economic
growth
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, more employment opportunities are likely to be created, followed by a decrease in unemployed workforces.
Consequently
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, officials may believe that their societies will be more satisfied by the
economy
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,
although
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 several factors have a role to play. In the first place, even though the
economy
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 plays a vital role, its progress can require certain objectives, especially specialized and well-educated workforces, which can be achieved via a high-quality educational system.
Therefore
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, to be motivated and energetic, people should enhance their spiritual life through recreational activities.
This
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 is where artistic activities positively impact societies, from cinema to theatre or even music concerts.
As a result
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, a cluster of factors, on which the
economy
Use synonyms
 itself is highly dependent, should be taken into consideration, so that a lack of each of them can interrupt economic goals
as well as
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 a happier society. In conclusion, in my opinion, the
economy
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 and other sectors should be equally improved.
This
Linking Words
 is because not only does economic
growth
Use synonyms
 need in other areas but
also
Linking Words
 citizens need different kinds of services.

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task achievement
The essay presents an attempt to address the prompt, but it lacks a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the writer's own opinion clearly. The main body of the essay requires more specific development to directly address the comparisons between economic progress and other types of progress.
coherence cohesion
There are issues with logical structuring and flow. The essay does hit on some relevant points, but the progression of ideas is not entirely clear. It would benefit from better organization of paragraphs and clearer topic sentences.
task achievement
To enhance task achievement, ensure to fully address all parts of the prompt: discuss both views equally and clearly state your own opinion. Include examples that are directly relevant to the arguments you're presenting.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, use cohesive devices effectively and structure your paragraphs clearly, each with a single idea supported by specific evidence or examples.
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