IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people prefer to save money. Others prefer to use their money on things they will enjoy. What is the best approach towards money? Discuss both sides and give your opinion

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Nowadays,
money
Use synonyms
 is an important factor in our life routine. Some
people
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 prefer to spend their
money
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 on happiness,
while
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 others believe that saving
money
Use synonyms
 is more essential. There are
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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different reasons for
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
of
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apply
show examples
statements. The explanation behind
this
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 will be explained below.
ne
Correct your spelling
One
 reason to support spending
money
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 to simplify our life would be beneficial for one, which has different factors.
For example
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, utilize finances for some vacations
as well as
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 special times which could increase happiness
such
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 as
traveling
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travelling
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 abroad, buying some luxury brand products
as well as
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 buying some thankful gifts.
Moreover
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,
people
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 who work hard just want to treat themselves as hard as working. It is unquestionable that modern individuals are working overtime and beyond their limit for the price of their salary.
For
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this
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 reason, spending
money
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 would make their moment more special.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 prefer saving
money
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instead
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 of using it because of a lack of finances. Many
people
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 experience
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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financial problems and they believe that spending
money
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 on unnecessary items would be the drawback of financial management.
Moreover
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, reserve funds would be important in emergency times
such
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 as accidents, treatment costs, and economic problems. The problem would be easier to solve than not having any savings for
emergency
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emergencies
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.
Besides
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, to
further
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 the future,
ones
Replace the word
one
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 must maintain some budget to pursue their goals, both personally and professionally. To summarize, it depends on person to spend their own
money
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 to enjoy their lives or save
money
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 in an important period. Both of these factors have the same result which
are
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is
show examples
 beneficial for a person

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coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical structure throughout your essay. Use a range of cohesive devices and paragraphing appropriately to aid the flow of information.
coherence cohesion
Develop main points further with illustrations and examples to give a clearer picture of your viewpoint and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Be sure to have a clear introduction and conclusion that reflect your overall viewpoint, allowing the reader to understand your position from the outset and be reminded of it at the end.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task ensuring a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument before giving your own perspective. Expand your ideas to meet the requirement for a complete response.
task achievement
Articulate your ideas clearly and comprehensively. It's crucial that every paragraph contributes to the overall argument or narrative of your essay.
task achievement
Back up your points with specific examples to provide evidence for your assertions and make your argument more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • future stability
  • emergencies
  • unforeseen expenses
  • economic downturns
  • job loss
  • long-term goals
  • buying a house
  • funding children’s education
  • experiencing life’s pleasures
  • luxury items
  • memorable experiences
  • derive happiness
  • delayed gratification
  • yield higher returns
  • stock markets
  • real estate
  • starting a business
  • emotional and psychological benefits
  • reduce stress
  • mental health
  • sense of fulfillment
  • fruits of one’s labor
  • balanced life
  • financial stability
  • personal happiness
  • well-being
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