In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

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In
this
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present world,
home
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is very important and the importance of
home
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is constantly on the rise.In many states,having a
home
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is more important than renting
one
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for individuals.I think that owning a
home
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is a positive situation.Considering
people
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's freedom
as well as
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the wish of owning a
home
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will prove
this
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. There are several reasons for many wanting to buy a and live in their own
home
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.
One
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of the reasons is that because of the inflation and housing crisis, the
rent
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has increased significantly.
This
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sometimes becomes unaffordable for common
people
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to continue to pay the
rent
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.
In addition
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, it seems to be unfair to them to pay a huge amount of
rent
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to cover someone else’s mortgage.
In contrast
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,
people
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can buy their
home
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and use the
rent
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money to pay off their own mortgage, resulting in owning an asset that can be passed on to their children. I think that
this
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is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
situation
due to
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the following reasons.
Firstly
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,the freedom of
people
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is very important to them,when it comes to
home
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.
For instance
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,it is generally considered that
people
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can do anything they want, without
of
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apply
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any interference from others.As well no
one
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can possess the power to answer them.
In other words
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,you can live in it
according to
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your own decision.Unfortunately,
this
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is a point that a renting
home
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can not provide.
Therefore
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,
this
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makes it clear that being the owner of a house is more important than a renting
home
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for
people
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in some countries.
Secondly
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, everyone has a wish to have a
home
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.
For instance
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,it is widely known that possessing a
home
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in
this
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inflation hits
Correct your spelling
inflation-hitting
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world is
very
Rephrase
apply
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vital for
people
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.So,that they can look at other needs of life.Sadly,
this
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favour is not provided by a charterhouse.
Thus
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,it becomes apparent that owning a
home
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is very important for
people
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in some nations. In conclusion,having a
home
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provides freedom
to
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apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and
everyoneone
Correct your spelling
everyone one
everyone
has a wish to have
it
Correct pronoun usage
one
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.
As a result
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,
it is clear that
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owning a house is much more important than renting
one
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.After
thorough
Add an article
a thorough
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analysis of
this
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topic,it is recommended that having a house is a positive situation and has its own importance for
people
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than a charter
one
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in many countries.
Submitted by jamalashraf45 on

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task achievement
The essay did cover the prompt and provided a stance on the situation about the importance of home ownership versus renting. However, the response could be more fully developed with clearer and more comprehensive explanations, and more persuasive arguments. The introduction should clearly outline the reasons to be discussed, and the body should explore these reasons in depth with supporting examples before drawing a clear conclusion. This will help in meeting task response criteria effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is somewhat coherent, with recognizable paragraphs and an attempt at an introduction and conclusion. Nonetheless, transition phrases could be used more effectively to create a smooth flow between ideas. It is important to ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that supporting sentences are related, directly extending the argument. To improve cohesion, the essay should include better signposting and logical sequencers to connect points and paragraphs seamlessly.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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