In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

In
this
present world,
home
is very important and the importance of
home
is constantly on the rise.In many states,having a
home
is more important than renting
one
for individuals.I think that owning a
home
is a positive situation.Considering
people
's freedom
as well as
the wish of owning a
home
will prove
this
. There are several reasons for many wanting to buy a and live in their own
home
.
One
of the reasons is that because of the inflation and housing crisis, the
rent
has increased significantly.
This
sometimes becomes unaffordable for common
people
to continue to pay the
rent
.
In addition
, it seems to be unfair to them to pay a huge amount of
rent
to cover someone else’s mortgage.
In contrast
,
people
can buy their
home
and use the
rent
money to pay off their own mortgage, resulting in owning an asset that can be passed on to their children. I think that
this
is
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
situation
due to
the following reasons.
Firstly
,the freedom of
people
is very important to them,when it comes to
home
.
For instance
,it is generally considered that
people
can do anything they want, without
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
any interference from others.As well no
one
can possess the power to answer them.
In other words
,you can live in it
according to
your own decision.Unfortunately,
this
is a point that a renting
home
can not provide.
Therefore
,
this
makes it clear that being the owner of a house is more important than a renting
home
for
people
in some countries.
Secondly
, everyone has a wish to have a
home
.
For instance
,it is widely known that possessing a
home
in
this
inflation hits
Correct your spelling
inflation-hitting
show examples
world is
very
Rephrase
apply
show examples
vital for
people
.So,that they can look at other needs of life.Sadly,
this
favour is not provided by a charterhouse.
Thus
,it becomes apparent that owning a
home
is very important for
people
in some nations. In conclusion,having a
home
provides freedom
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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and
everyoneone
Correct your spelling
everyone one
everyone
has a wish to have
it
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
.
As a result
,
it is clear that
owning a house is much more important than renting
one
.After
thorough
Add an article
a thorough
show examples
analysis of
this
topic,it is recommended that having a house is a positive situation and has its own importance for
people
than a charter
one
in many countries.
Submitted by jamalashraf45 on

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task achievement
The essay did cover the prompt and provided a stance on the situation about the importance of home ownership versus renting. However, the response could be more fully developed with clearer and more comprehensive explanations, and more persuasive arguments. The introduction should clearly outline the reasons to be discussed, and the body should explore these reasons in depth with supporting examples before drawing a clear conclusion. This will help in meeting task response criteria effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay's structure is somewhat coherent, with recognizable paragraphs and an attempt at an introduction and conclusion. Nonetheless, transition phrases could be used more effectively to create a smooth flow between ideas. It is important to ensure that each paragraph has a central idea and that supporting sentences are related, directly extending the argument. To improve cohesion, the essay should include better signposting and logical sequencers to connect points and paragraphs seamlessly.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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