Many developed counties now have large numbers of people over the age 65 . What problems might this cause ? . How can the problems be solved

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Ageing
population
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is one of the crucial and inevitable
isuue
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issues

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in our world. Most
of
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apply

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developed
countries
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’ rate of individuals who are older than 65 has been increasing recently.
This
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pattern may lead to several drawbacks like an
economical
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economic

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burden on the
countries
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budged
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budget

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and difficulties
for
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in

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finding
work
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labor
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labour

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for
business
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.
This
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essay will explain these
problems
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and will recommend some solutions like
arrenging
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arranging

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immigration policy and implementing laws in order to mend insurance systems. Thanks to the technological development in the
fieald
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field
fields

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of medicine, the
overall
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age has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb been appears to be unnecessary here.

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increased in recent days.
Hence
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, people have started to live after they
had
Wrong verb form
have

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb had. Consider changing it.

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retired more years than
previous
Add an article
the previous

The noun phrase previous time seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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time.
As a result
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, each individual’s cost for
countries
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has risen and become a strain on the budget. Especially, their
medicalcare
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medical care

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costs
has
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have

The singular verb has does not appear to agree with the plural subject costs. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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spiked recently. Another problem is when
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population
Correct article usage
the population

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aged
Wrong verb form
ages

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, finding young employees has become challenging, which has an elementary role in order to achieve success in
business
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for any company. Refreshed brains and eager workers may carry their workplaces on the top and may support holding that position. Unfortunately, many developed
countries
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are suffering from the
lackless
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lack

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of
young
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a young

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and educated workforce.
To sum up
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, it should
be always keep
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be always kept

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in
minds
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mind

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that
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the ageging
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ageging
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ageing

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population
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many
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may

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end up
several
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with several

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problems
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in terms of the budget of
countries
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and
diffuculties
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difficulties

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to
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in

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fing
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finding

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work
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labor
Change the spelling
labour

The spelling of labor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
. Finding effective solutions requires to focus on the root reasons.
For instance
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, solving
the
Correct article usage
apply

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financial
problems
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may be needed
implementing
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to implement

Implementing doesn’t seem to work here.

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new insurance
policy
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policies

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by
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in

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governments. Policymakers may implement new regulations and may create new sources to afford senior citizen’s life
cost
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costs

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. In turn, the burden on
countries
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

budged
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budget

The word budged doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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may decrease.
On the other hand
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, measuring the other
problems
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, losing
work
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force
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workforce

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in
business
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, authorities may regulate their laws and may provide some
incentivies
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incentives
incentive

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for well-educated and young individuals who live in developing
countries
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like Turkey,
South
Correct word choice
and South

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Africa. In
this
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way, the companies and the country may continue to develop. To wrap up, governments may prevent the
problems
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engaged in the ageing
population
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by regulating the
law
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laws

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and rules of their
countries
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.
To conclude
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,
due to
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the advanced technology and improved healthcare
services
Add a comma
services,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase due to the advanced technology and improved healthcare services. Consider adding a comma.

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the
overall
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life span has been increased. Unfortunately,
this
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phenomenon may result in some
diffuculties
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difficulties

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like financial strain
,
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apply

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and
lackless
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luckless
reckless
backless

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young
work
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labor
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labour

The spelling of labor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

show examples
.
Lucikly
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Luckily

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, there are several alternatives to avoid these concerns
such
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as regulating laws related to
Use synonyms
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

business
Add an article
the business

The noun phrase business world seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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world and insurance companies.
Policymarkers
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Policymakers

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should be aware of these issues and concentrate on finding solutions.

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structure
Your essay structure needs significant improvement. An essay should comprise an introduction that sets the context and outlines the main points, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a single main point, and a clear conclusion that summarises the arguments made and restates the writer's position. It is important that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are logically ordered from one to the next.
language
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and flow. Employing a range of structures, such as compound and complex sentences, enhances coherence. Use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure the essay flows well. This includes transitional phrases, referencing and substitution.
development
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations. While you addressed the problems and solutions associated with aging populations, the points sometimes lacked detailed support. Ground your arguments with appropriate examples, data, or hypothetical scenarios to enhance credibility and demonstrate a wider range of language.
task response
Your task response requires improvement. Ensure you directly and fully answer the question posed, discussing the implications of the issues raised and considering different aspects of the problem. In this case, both the causes of the problems and the proposed solutions should be discussed in equal measure.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • ageing population
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • social security systems
  • economic dependency ratio
  • workforce participation
  • geriatric care
  • medical expenditure
  • pension sustainability
  • intergenerational support
  • elderly-friendly urban planning
  • longevity
  • age-related ailments
  • public health strategy
  • community engagement programs
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