IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many developed counties now have large numbers of people over the age 65 . What problems might this cause ? . How can the problems be solved

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Ageing
population
Use synonyms
 is one of the crucial and inevitable
isuue
Correct your spelling
issues
 in our world. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
developed
countries
Use synonyms
’ rate of individuals who are older than 65 has been increasing recently.
This
Linking Words
 pattern may lead to several drawbacks like an
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 burden on the
countries
Use synonyms
’
budged
Correct your spelling
budget
show examples
 and difficulties
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 finding
work
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 for
business
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain these
problems
Use synonyms
 and will recommend some solutions like
arrenging
Correct your spelling
arranging
 immigration policy and implementing laws in order to mend insurance systems. Thanks to the technological development in the
fieald
Correct your spelling
field
fields
 of medicine, the
overall
Linking Words
 age has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased in recent days.
Hence
Linking Words
, people have started to live after they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 retired more years than
previous
Add an article
the previous
show examples
 time.
As a result
Linking Words
, each individual’s cost for
countries
Use synonyms
 has risen and become a strain on the budget. Especially, their
medicalcare
Correct your spelling
medical care
 costs
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 spiked recently. Another problem is when
Use synonyms
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
aged
Wrong verb form
ages
show examples
, finding young employees has become challenging, which has an elementary role in order to achieve success in
business
Use synonyms
 for any company. Refreshed brains and eager workers may carry their workplaces on the top and may support holding that position. Unfortunately, many developed
countries
Use synonyms
 are suffering from the
lackless
Correct your spelling
lack
 of
young
Correct article usage
a young
show examples
 and educated workforce.
To sum up
Linking Words
, it should
be always keep
Change the verb form
be always kept
show examples
 in
minds
Fix the agreement mistake
mind
show examples
 that
Correct article usage
the ageging
show examples
ageging
Correct your spelling
ageing
population
Use synonyms
many
Correct your spelling
may
show examples
 end up
several
Change preposition
with several
show examples
problems
Use synonyms
 in terms of the budget of
countries
Use synonyms
 and
diffuculties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
fing
Correct your spelling
finding
work
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. Finding effective solutions requires to focus on the root reasons.
For instance
Linking Words
, solving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
financial
problems
Use synonyms
 may be needed
implementing
Change the verb form
to implement
show examples
 new insurance
policy
Fix the agreement mistake
policies
show examples
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 governments. Policymakers may implement new regulations and may create new sources to afford senior citizen’s life
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
. In turn, the burden on
countries
Use synonyms
’
budged
Correct your spelling
budget
show examples
 may decrease.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, measuring the other
problems
Use synonyms
, losing
work
Use synonyms
force
Correct your spelling
workforce
show examples
 in
business
Use synonyms
, authorities may regulate their laws and may provide some
incentivies
Correct your spelling
incentives
incentive
 for well-educated and young individuals who live in developing
countries
Use synonyms
 like Turkey,
South
Correct word choice
and South
show examples
 Africa. In
this
Linking Words
 way, the companies and the country may continue to develop. To wrap up, governments may prevent the
problems
Use synonyms
 engaged in the ageing
population
Use synonyms
 by regulating the
law
Fix the agreement mistake
laws
show examples
 and rules of their
countries
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
due to
Linking Words
 the advanced technology and improved healthcare
services
Add a comma
services,
show examples
 the
overall
Linking Words
 life span has been increased. Unfortunately,
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon may result in some
diffuculties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
 like financial strain
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
lackless
Correct your spelling
luckless
reckless
backless
 young
work
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
.
Lucikly
Correct your spelling
Luckily
, there are several alternatives to avoid these concerns
such
Linking Words
 as regulating laws related to
Use synonyms
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 world and insurance companies.
Policymarkers
Correct your spelling
Policymakers
 should be aware of these issues and concentrate on finding solutions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Your essay structure needs significant improvement. An essay should comprise an introduction that sets the context and outlines the main points, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a single main point, and a clear conclusion that summarises the arguments made and restates the writer's position. It is important that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are logically ordered from one to the next.
language
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and flow. Employing a range of structures, such as compound and complex sentences, enhances coherence. Use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure the essay flows well. This includes transitional phrases, referencing and substitution.
development
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations. While you addressed the problems and solutions associated with aging populations, the points sometimes lacked detailed support. Ground your arguments with appropriate examples, data, or hypothetical scenarios to enhance credibility and demonstrate a wider range of language.
task response
Your task response requires improvement. Ensure you directly and fully answer the question posed, discussing the implications of the issues raised and considering different aspects of the problem. In this case, both the causes of the problems and the proposed solutions should be discussed in equal measure.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographic shift
  • ageing population
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • social security systems
  • economic dependency ratio
  • workforce participation
  • geriatric care
  • medical expenditure
  • pension sustainability
  • intergenerational support
  • elderly-friendly urban planning
  • longevity
  • age-related ailments
  • public health strategy
  • community engagement programs
What to do next:
Look at other essays: