Task 2 Many developed counties now have large numbers of people over the age 65 . What problems might this cause ? . How can the problems be solved

Ageing
population
is one of the crucial and inevitable
isuue
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issues
in our world. Most
of
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apply
show examples
developed
countries
’ rate of individuals who are older than 65 has been increasing recently.
This
pattern may lead to several drawbacks like an
economical
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economic
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burden on the
countries
budged
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budget
show examples
and difficulties
for
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in
show examples
finding
work
labor
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labour
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for
business
.
This
essay will explain these
problems
and will recommend some solutions like
arrenging
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arranging
immigration policy and implementing laws in order to mend insurance systems. Thanks to the technological development in the
fieald
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field
fields
of medicine, the
overall
age has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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increased in recent days.
Hence
, people have started to live after they
had
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have
show examples
retired more years than
previous
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the previous
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time.
As a result
, each individual’s cost for
countries
has risen and become a strain on the budget. Especially, their
medicalcare
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medical care
costs
has
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have
show examples
spiked recently. Another problem is when
population
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the population
show examples
aged
Wrong verb form
ages
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, finding young employees has become challenging, which has an elementary role in order to achieve success in
business
for any company. Refreshed brains and eager workers may carry their workplaces on the top and may support holding that position. Unfortunately, many developed
countries
are suffering from the
lackless
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lack
of
young
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a young
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and educated workforce.
To sum up
, it should
be always keep
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be always kept
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in
minds
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mind
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that
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the ageging
show examples
ageging
Correct your spelling
ageing
population
many
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may
show examples
end up
several
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with several
show examples
problems
in terms of the budget of
countries
and
diffuculties
Correct your spelling
difficulties
to
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in
show examples
fing
Correct your spelling
finding
work
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. Finding effective solutions requires to focus on the root reasons.
For instance
, solving
the
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apply
show examples
financial
problems
may be needed
implementing
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to implement
show examples
new insurance
policy
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policies
show examples
by
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in
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governments. Policymakers may implement new regulations and may create new sources to afford senior citizen’s life
cost
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costs
show examples
. In turn, the burden on
countries
budged
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budget
show examples
may decrease.
On the other hand
, measuring the other
problems
, losing
work
force
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workforce
show examples
in
business
, authorities may regulate their laws and may provide some
incentivies
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incentives
incentive
for well-educated and young individuals who live in developing
countries
like Turkey,
South
Correct word choice
and South
show examples
Africa. In
this
way, the companies and the country may continue to develop. To wrap up, governments may prevent the
problems
engaged in the ageing
population
by regulating the
law
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laws
show examples
and rules of their
countries
.
To conclude
,
due to
the advanced technology and improved healthcare
services
Add a comma
services,
show examples
the
overall
life span has been increased. Unfortunately,
this
phenomenon may result in some
diffuculties
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difficulties
like financial strain
,
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apply
show examples
and
lackless
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luckless
reckless
backless
young
work
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
.
Lucikly
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Luckily
, there are several alternatives to avoid these concerns
such
as regulating laws related to
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
world and insurance companies.
Policymarkers
Correct your spelling
Policymakers
should be aware of these issues and concentrate on finding solutions.
Submitted by ilaydailday on

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structure
Your essay structure needs significant improvement. An essay should comprise an introduction that sets the context and outlines the main points, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a single main point, and a clear conclusion that summarises the arguments made and restates the writer's position. It is important that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas are logically ordered from one to the next.
language
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and flow. Employing a range of structures, such as compound and complex sentences, enhances coherence. Use cohesive devices appropriately to ensure the essay flows well. This includes transitional phrases, referencing and substitution.
development
Develop main points with specific examples and explanations. While you addressed the problems and solutions associated with aging populations, the points sometimes lacked detailed support. Ground your arguments with appropriate examples, data, or hypothetical scenarios to enhance credibility and demonstrate a wider range of language.
task response
Your task response requires improvement. Ensure you directly and fully answer the question posed, discussing the implications of the issues raised and considering different aspects of the problem. In this case, both the causes of the problems and the proposed solutions should be discussed in equal measure.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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