Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#children #hours #smartphones #case #development

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The

time

that kids spend

time

with their

phones

is a lot

today

. I believe

this

is because the fact the level of technology we have reached. And it is a negative development.

This

essay will discuss technological development as a reason and why it is a negative development. Over the years, technology

becomes

Wrong verb form

has become

show examples

a serious part of our lives. When the

phones

first appeared, it was not a commonly used device among people.

Today

, people of any age have smartphones and there are lots of platforms that keep your attention. With the technological developments we have done until

today

, smartphones have lots of applications and platforms designed to capture our attention. Especially for

children

, attractive themes, games, and fascinating visuals have appeared.

That is

why not only adults

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

children

spend significant

time

with their

phones

. The article which has recently been published in the literature indicates that the conversations among

children

always contain about the things they play or watch on their

phones

and generally it is fiction-based.

Moreover

, I believe

this

is a negative situation because

children

who spend lots of

time

with their smartphones can become

addicted

Add an article

an addicted

the addicted

show examples

and extremely introverted person. Communication is a key

for

Change preposition

show examples

self-growth and understanding life. With the lack of face-to-face interaction,

children

may forget what real life is and they cannot develop

Correct article usage

the self-confidence

show examples

self-confidence

Correct article usage

the self-confidence

show examples

that they need.

For instance

, the sister of my friend has been a gamer since she was four. She has spent at least 7 hours a day with her phone and

today

she is 12 without any real friends and using pills for her shyness before interacting with any people other than her family. In conclusion, do

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children

spend a lot of

time

with their

phones

and is it a negative situation? With technological improvements,

children

spend a lot of

time

with their

phones

because of their attractiveness and it is a negative situation because it is harmful to their self-development.

Submitted by asik.melliss on Mon Dec 11 2023

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coherence cohesion

The essay should have a clearer organization with more defined paragraphs. Introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion should be easily distinguishable with clear topic sentences.

task achievement

For task achievement, ensure that the essay covers all aspects of the task, providing a balance between the causes and implications of the issue. Include more extensive discussion and deeper analysis

coherence cohesion

Avoid redundancies and improve the essay's clarity by using a variety of sentence structures and a more developed vocabulary.

task achievement

Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. Use data or research to make your arguments more convincing and relevant.

coherence cohesion

An Introduction should present the topics to be discussed and your thesis. A conclusion needs to clearly summarize the main points made and restate your position effectively.

task achievement

Make sure to answer both parts of the question equally to fully satisfy the task achievement criteria. Discuss the reasons as well as the positive/negative development thoroughly.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

325 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

smartphones
usage
technology
accessibility
convenience
entertainment
gaming
social media
communication
educational resources
addiction
dependence
negative effects
physical health
mental health

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Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively.

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, some celebrities such as film stars, sportsmen and pop musicians are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? Which jobs should be highly paid?