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Band 4

There are a lot of people traveling abroad for fun and pleasure these days.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #fun #pleasure
Nowadays,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad has become a common and interesting way to spend
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vacation. I completely agree with
this
 statement. In
this
 essay,
firstly
, I will discuss recreational benefits, and
secondly
, the economic benefits for the countries. First of all, at the
workplaces
Fix the agreement mistake
workplace
show examples
,
people
 have busy working schedules and they
missed
Wrong verb form
miss
show examples
 their families and
enjoyment
Correct article usage
the enjoyment
show examples
 of their personal lives.
Furthermore
, it increases
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
emotional stress and can lead
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 serious illnesses like depression. So,
people
 tend to work
whole
Correct article usage
a whole
show examples
 year
continousely
Correct your spelling
continuously
 and get long annual leave.
As a result
, they can go to a tourist-destined
country
 with their family members and relieve their work pressure, by having fun.
On the other hand
, when
people
 are
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
, it is advantageous for the
destined
Replace the word
destination
show examples
country
's economic status.
For instance
, before the covid pandemic, Sri Lanka
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 one of the best
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tourism as it had so
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
 natural beauty and cultural values.
Therefore
,
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of the
country
 was higher
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
at those times.
However
, if more tourists are entering
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
country
 means, infrastructure, and other facilities are developing. So,
people
 can enjoy their holidays without any drawbacks.
Likewise
, it is very important to spend their time effectively and wisely by
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad and
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 a plethora of experiences at the same time. In a nutshell, I think,
people
 should not caged into a certain frame, but they should step out into the world to get fun and spend their vacation.
Submitted by hasi13r on

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coherence cohesion
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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