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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Unemployment is one of the most serious problems facing developed nations today. What are the advantages and disadvantages of reducing the working week to thirty-five hours?

#unemployment #nations #week #thirty-five #hours
Rising
Correct article usage
The rising
show examples
 count of
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
people
 is one of the biggest
problem
Change to a plural noun
problems
show examples
 which many countries face. So some countries have been reducing the working hours. In my opinion increasing of
time
 of
work
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages at the same
time
. If say advantages of that first comes to my mind that by reducing working week
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 can provide their citizens with a job.
With
Change preposition
In
show examples
 that
way
Add a comma
way,
show examples
 they can increase the level of unemployment.
Also
 if there are lots of
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not have
work
then
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 will be forced
pay
Fix the infinitive
to pay
show examples
 them social payment.
Secondly
, when
workers
 have short working hours they will spend
time
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
hobby
Fix the agreement mistake
hobbies
show examples
, doing things which will help to
devolope themselfes
Correct your spelling
develop themselves
. When
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are
emotionaly
Correct your spelling
emotionally
emotional
 in good condition they will be productive, so it has benefits for employers.
Likewise
 by spending less
time
 at
work
 employees will have more desire to
work
. Because when
people
 do something for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
 it can be annoying. The
disadvantages
Fix the agreement mistake
disadvantage
show examples
 of the short working weekend there is no
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
guaranty
Replace the word
guarantee
show examples
 that
workers
 will have more desire to
work
. Mostly it depends on
volume
Add an article
the volume
show examples
 of
work
. If there is a lot
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to do despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
being productive
workers
 can be stressed.
Another bad sides
Replace the adjective
Another bad side
Other bad sides
show examples
 of reducing of working week
people
Add a missing verb
is people
show examples
 will be paid
according to
 their
work
 hours, so getting less money can make them
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 motivated to
work
. The money is the best motivation for everyone.
Summurizing
Correct your spelling
Summarizing
 employers should give
workers
 a chance to choose what they want. Because someone
prefer
Change the verb form
prefers
show examples
 working less and for
them
Add a comma
them,
show examples
 money is not
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the first place. But someone
think
Change the verb form
thinks
show examples
 in a different way.
Submitted by sayazhorabek9466 on

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coherence cohesion
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task achievement
Develop your main ideas further with specific examples and details for a higher score. This creates more comprehensive content.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion should succinctly summarize the main points already put forward without introducing new ideas.
task achievement
It's important to avoid grammatical errors and improve lexical resource by using a range of vocabulary appropriately. Consider revising sentence structures for clarity.
coherence cohesion
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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