Some people think that good health is a basic human need, so the medical service should not be run by profit-making companies. Do you think the disadvantages of private healthcare outweigh the advantages?
Over the years,
healthcare
has been changing. The basic service
of a simple doctor, who achieves it’s knowledge with a book and own
experiences has transformed into Correct pronoun usage
their own
his own
her own
big
Correct article usage
a big
companies
which Fix the agreement mistake
company
work
with the contribution of all its Correct subject-verb agreement
works
customers
to pay for the doctors, exams, treatment and some specialists. They are called HPE and it could be better than a unique doctor,
because they are supported by private funds and even the government. It could be good for societyRemove the comma
apply
,
because you will have a system supporting you, but I think that it has some variables that we need to analyze in Remove the comma
apply
this
essay.
But not all is good, if we analyze these companies
we could conclude that there are profit oriented
Add a hyphen
profit-oriented
companies
, in the end, these companies
are working for benefits and it´s
business needs to work. Correct your spelling
their
Also
, recently it has started a different model of healthcare
services
, it is the
prepaid medicine and it offers Correct article usage
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
customers
an “exclusive service
” for a reasonable cost. Therefore
, some people can say that you need to pay even more money if you want a good quality service
.
Furthermore
, Hospitals brings
both Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
services
, HPE and prepaid medicine, and customers
can use each service
according to
their plan, and in that moment, they can live different experiences, in
one hand, HPE Change preposition
On
Customers
will need more time because the appointments, authorizations
and escalation process from a general doctor to a specialist. Correct word choice
and authorizations
On the other hand
, Prepaid medicine customers
will need more money for exclusive services
with specialists in the first appointment. At
the end, both Change the preposition
In
customers
will be attended by the same doctors, but with a big difference in time and opportunity.
In conclusion, sadly, Healthcare
services
are turning into profit oriented
Add a hyphen
profit-oriented
companies
, where the service
is conditioned by the money that you spend, it’s an injustice because everybody have
the right Change the verb form
has
of
Change preposition
to
a
good health, Remove the article
apply
in addition
, this
Change the determiner
these
companies
have been suffering the
impacts of Correct article usage
apply
global
economy, falling in crisis and ruin and leaving Add an article
the global
it’s
Replace the word
its
customers
without service
. Finally
, we finish this
essay with a question: what people
need to do to deserve good Add a missing verb
do people
healthcare
service
, no matter its
earnings or contract planCorrect pronoun usage
their
Submitted by natalyrau13 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear and logical structure, making it difficult to follow your argument. You should organize your ideas more clearly, with each paragraph discussing one main point. Start with an introduction that includes a thesis statement, then have body paragraphs that each discuss one argument supporting your thesis, and conclude with a summary of your points and a restatement of your position.
task achievement
For task achievement, ensure that you directly address the essay question and clearly state your position. Your essay should thoroughly answer the question, presenting relevant arguments and examples. The question is asking you to compare the advantages and disadvantages of private healthcare, and then conclude whether the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Focus on creating balanced arguments and draw a clear conclusion based on these.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.