IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned be¬cause of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#amount #children #be¬cause #effects
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram detailed above
dealineates
Correct your spelling
delineates
delineated
 the process of making
wool
. Looking from an
overall
 perspective, it is readily apparent that
this
 circular process is comprised of 3 main stages including initial collection and
preparing
Replace the word
preparation
show examples
, followed by processing and drying, and
finally
 reconstitution into a new material for selling or recycling. The process for both varieties of
wool
 starts when sheep shearing.
This
 is followed by cleaning and drying their
wool
. In the next stage, the two kinds of material are used for different aims. The
wool
 turns into balls of yarn which can
use
Wrong verb form
be used
show examples
 for knitting or for the production of clothing. Another material which is called string
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 recycled.
Submitted by dulskywork on

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task achievement
It appears you have misunderstood the original prompt which discussed advertising aimed at children. Instead, you have described a process of making wool. This shows a major misunderstanding of the question, which severely impacts your task achievement score.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion, which are essential components of a well-structured response. It is important to introduce the topic, present a thesis statement, and conclude your essay with a summary or final thought.
You must ensure that your essay remains on topic and addresses the prompt given directly. Writing about a completely different subject means your response does not fulfill the requirements of the task.
task achievement

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • vulnerability
  • impressionability
  • developmental stage
  • critical thinking
  • marketing tactics
  • dietary choices
  • childhood obesity
  • materialism
  • consumerism
  • parental control
  • consumption
  • advertising literacy
  • interpret
  • outright ban
  • economic repercussions
  • media outlets
  • ad revenue
What to do next:
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