IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Promotions to higher level should be from with in a company and not from new hire from outside , do you agree or disagree?

#promotions #level #company
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In the companies, promotions are usually given to those who work in the
company
Use synonyms
 as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
permanent
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
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 rather than to those who are temporarily employed.
This
Linking Words
 is because they deserve to be promoted to enhance their
company
Use synonyms
's performance. I would strongly agree with the point. In the following lines, I will elaborate on why I agree with the statement. Upgradation in an organization to the individual who performs better keeps the
employees
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 motivated and encouraged to work smarter.
This
Linking Words
 holds the
company
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’s name raised among others.
For instance
Linking Words
, an innovative general manager is promoted to a secretory level with his or her extraordinary performance in his or
Correct pronoun usage
her previousa
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previousa
Correct your spelling
previous
 position. To bring more authoritative innovations and changes in the
company
Use synonyms
 he/she has to be given a promotion.
This
Linking Words
 kind of shift in position to a higher level not only motivates them but
also
Linking Words
 gives them a greater space to bring more innovations. In order to bring changes within the
company
Use synonyms
 all sorts of uplifting position has to be given to regular
employees
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. When I choose only regular
employees
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 it doesn't mean hired Individuals cannot perform like regular staff. They do possess the knowledge to bring changes in the
company
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 but it may not stick to the
company
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 where they work today. It could roam as they move to the other companies.
That is
Linking Words
 the reason why we have to hold promotions for them.
To conclude
Linking Words
, it is better not to give promotions to hired staff even if they possess extraordinary skills. But give them a chance to be regular
employees
Use synonyms
within
Change preposition
apply
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so that they can bring change to the
company
Use synonyms
Submitted by rinchennima77 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure with an introduction that introduces the topic and states your position, body paragraphs that each contain a single main idea and appropriate supporting details, and a conclusion that sums up the arguments made. Use transitional words and phrases to help the reader follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Expand on your main points with clear, relevant examples and detailed explanations to support your argument. Each paragraph should clearly relate to the topic, and there should be a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
task achievement
Fully address the prompt by ensuring your response covers all parts of the question. Make sure your position is clear throughout the essay, and provide a more balanced argument by acknowledging counterpoints, which can then be refuted to strengthen your own stance.
coherence cohesion
Use a range of vocabulary and sentence structures to demonstrate language proficiency. Avoid repetition and strive for precision in language use. Proofread your essay to eliminate grammar and spelling errors.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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