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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia.

The charts give information about two genres of TV programmes watched by men and women and four different age groups in Australia.
#information #two #genres #tv #programmes #men #women #four #age #groups #australia
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The bar charts compare and contrast data on
Correct article usage
the pecentage
show examples
pecentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 and four different
age
Use synonyms
 groups
watch
Wrong verb form
watching
show examples
reality
Use synonyms
 shows and
game
Use synonyms
 shows.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 the
women
Use synonyms
 prefer to watch more
reality
Use synonyms
 shows than
game
Use synonyms
 shows, the
men
Use synonyms
 have
opposite
Add an article
the opposite
show examples
 tendency.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
above the
age
Use synonyms
 of 45 have the highest ratio
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 these four groups. The percentage of nearly 35% of
men
Use synonyms
 opt to watch
reality
Use synonyms
 shows,
nonetheless
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
's preference of watching it is at approximately 70%.
In addition
Linking Words
,
watching
Rephrase
when watching
show examples
game
Use synonyms
 programmes ratio of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 close to each other respectively just above 60% and just below 60%. The
age
Use synonyms
 of 16-24
people
Use synonyms
 have almost the same percentage of watching these two genres of TV programmes with almost 50%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, individuals who are
range
Add an article
a range
show examples
 of 25-34
age
Use synonyms
 have a trend of
follow
Wrong verb form
following
show examples
reality
Use synonyms
 shows rather than
game
Use synonyms
 shows with 60%. 35-44 and 45+
people
Use synonyms
 who prefer
reality
Use synonyms
 shows
ratio
Add an article
a ratio
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 about 70%
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
similar,
however
Linking Words
, the percentage of
game
Use synonyms
 shows for
Use synonyms
age
Add an article
the age
an age
show examples
 of 35-44
people
Use synonyms
 is 40%.
Submitted by ilknurkaradmn on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words men, women, age, reality, game, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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